


Hold me Down

by BecaAMM



Series: Hold Me Down [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2005, 2006, Angst, Cannon, Canon-Typical Violence, Chick-Flick Moments, Childhood Friends, Dean Gives Oral Sex, Dean Winchester loves, Demons, Developing Relationship, Drama, Dry Humping, F/M, Female Reader, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Grinding, Hunter Dean, Hunter Sam, Hurt/Comfort, Impala, Music, Oral Sex, Orphans, POV Third Person, Prayer, Protective Dean Winchester, Psychic Violence, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Season 1, Secret Crush, Smut, Song Lyrics, Sounding, Violence, hunter reader, untold love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:42:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 31,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7427917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BecaAMM/pseuds/BecaAMM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You met the Winchester family in an unusual situation. Your father had been killed in a hunt and John saved you, taking you with him.<br/>When he got missing and the thing that killed Mary did the same with Sam’s girlfriend, the younger Winchester couldn’t help, but call you, hoping you would help him and Dean finding out what happened.<br/>But he still didn’t know why you left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> You gotta had watched the show, cause I'm skipping some information that is on TV here  
> Y/N: Your Name  
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

– So... – John looked at her. – You’re really leaving?

Y/N smiled. She had been with the Winchesters etver since her father (and only family) died on a hunt. John saved her life and, as his close friend, didn’t hesitate to adopt the young girl and raise her with his two boys.

Now Y/N was past 21, had her own car (a red 1969 Chevrolet Camaro SS that belonged to her father) and stuff, and her own plans, and just as he couldn’t forbid Sam from going to college, he couldn’t stop her from following her own path.

– Just for a while. – She promised. – Maybe I’ll meet you guys in a hunt, and we can work together again, maybe I’ll come back... I just need to find out how I want to go from here.

He nodded and she looked at Sam. He was leaving too, but different from her, he was going to Stanford. He wanted a normal life, with a normal girl and a normal family. He wanted something he never had.

He offered it to her too. “I could help you study and we could go together.” He said, but that wasn’t a life for her.

Inside the car, Dean watched them, not pleased. He was, somehow, feeling left behind.

When Y/N leaned over the window to look at him, her heart was a little tighter.

– So I don’t deserve a kiss goodbye. – She looked at him. His green eyes were full of pride and anger, just like a spoiled child.

– No.

 **There** was one of her reasons to leave. Dean was unreachable. Ever since they were kids, they were best friends and it kept going on their lives, but somehow in the later years, he was distant. At the beginning, their conversations were shorter, and soon she couldn’t tell him any secret or touch him. Now, they were basically strangers.

Y/N gave up, standing and hugging John and Sammy before entering the car.

– Goodbye guys. – She sighed. – And good luck too.

And she left.

 

* * * * *

 

Y/N watched the fire covering the dead bodies as they burned. She had been hunting on her own was been two years, destroying ghosts, demons, werewolves and everything that caused trouble around. She hadn’t met the Winchester boys ever since, but John made sure to call her twice a month to check her status and where she was going. When he didn’t call, she knew something was wrong.

When the phone sounded loud inside her pocket, she thought it was John, finally giving a sign. She was ready to ask “Where the fuck have you been?” when the voice on the phone sounded a little too different from John.

– Hey, Y/N?

Her eyes got wide.

– Sammy?

After two whole years, Sam was calling Y/N.

– Oh my goodness, you never call me! – She smiled. – How is college going? Are you having fun? Are you a doctor yet?

He laughed.

– That’s not how college works, Y/N, you know it. – He said.

She hesitated, biting her nails.

– So, where’s Dean?

– Right beside me. – He sounded enthusiastic. – We are... Well, I dropped school.

Her chin dropped a little and she leaned over the car hood.

She loved that car. When she was a kid, she barely remembered having a house, she always slept in motels, but that car was always there.

– What? Why? You were so good on it. You’re the smartest guy I’ve ever met.

Sam sighed, hesitating.

– Well... You know....

She waited.

– Whatever killed mom came back and killed my girlfriend too. – He finally said.

She lost her smile.

– I’m so sorry, Sam.

– Thank you.

She waited in silence, not knowing what to say.

– Y/N. – He murmured. – Dad is missing.

She stood up, grabbing the keys and entering the car.

She was already driving over there

– Where are you?

– We’re heading to Toledo, Ohio. We’ll reach the place in around three hours.

She was already on the road when answered.

– I’ll meet you there in less than six.

Sam smiled at the other side of the line and Y/N swallowed hard.

– Sammy. – She called in a low voice.

– Yeah?

– Tell Dean I said “hi”.

 

**_To be continued..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not really really using the cases of the show, just enough to make the timeline understandable. My main focus after the first two chapters is the relationships between everyone. I hope you'll like it.


	2. Chapter 1 - Bloody Mary... Bloody Mary... Bloody... Mary...

**Chapter 1 - Bloody Mary... Bloody Mary... Bloody... Mary...**

Y/N shifted her weight from one leg to the other. She hadn’t seen the Winchester in more than 2 years, and they could have change completely.

– Have a nice stay, miss Flowers. – The woman gave the fake ID back to the hunter’s fingers.

Gabrielle Flowers. That was the name she was using to enter the motel, taking the room in front of the Winchester’s.

– Thanks.

She couldn’t see the Impala, so reached for her phone as she left the room, calling Sammy. She couldn’t wait to see him, if he looked older or how his hair was. Ever since they were kids, she loved to play with his soft hair.

– Hey Sammy. – She looked around before crossing the street. – Where are you, guys?

– There’s a place at north from the, less than five minutes with the car. Should we order something for you?

– Burger and fries. – She smiled. – And don’t touch it. I’m walking, so I must be there in 10 minutes.

When she arrived, it was hard to find the guys. After trying to look around, she leaned over the balcony and smiled to the first guy that stopped to see her.

– Hey, have you seen two guys? One of them is really, really tall and the other one has green eyes? – She asked. – They’re white and...

– Y/N? – The deep voice stopped her from speaking.

She turned around quickly, noticing Sam walking in her direction and jumping to hug him. She missed him a lot. Sammy was like a baby brother for her.

– Look at you. – She smiled, standing up to see him. – You still huge and so adorable at the same time.

He was surprised. Growing up, Y/N was almost a boy, dressing on his or Dean’s clothes most of the time and cutting her hair above her chin so it wouldn’t bother her. Her feminine figure was always hiding and the boys never really saw her like a girl, always saying bullshit around her and _with_ her, and with boyish competitions that she even won, like farting of burping. Any other girl would be disgusted.

When she was around 17, Sam noticed something changing. First, she had stopped cutting her hair, and then she started smelling like a girl. Dean even found a girly deodorant when she was packing her stuff and teased her for months and, as she became more feminine, he wouldn’t stop joking with her femininity, ‘til her 20th birthday.

That night, he had brought her a big gift, wrapped and shinning. When she opened it, even John knew Dean had crossed a line.

Inside, there was a huge box of tampons.

“The biggest one I founded.” He said.

In Y/N’s eyes, Sam saw the urge to punch him. Her friendship with Dean had never been the same ever since.

Now, they barely talked to each other.

– You’re beautiful. – Sam exclaimed.

And she was. He could barely compare her with the boyish girl that had grown up side by side with him. In her own way, her body was slight muscular from hunting, and her curves were still soft and delicate.

– And how are you? – She touched his arm kindly. – I’m sorry about your girlfriend.

– I’m okay. We will find what killed her. – He nodded while walking over their table. – But first, we will find dad.

Dean raised his head to see Y/N. She was changed. The last time he saw her, she was basically always wearing sweatpants and baggy jeans with t-shits. Inside skinny jeans, boots and a leather jacket, [she was **a vision**](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.locale=pt-br&id=203272925).

He felt his heart beat faster. She was even more beautiful than before.

– Hey, jerk. – She sat at Sam’s side, trying to act nonchalant.

– Hey, smelly.

She looked at their articles before looking at Sam.

– So, how long has he been missing?

– More than a month. We’re following his path and, you know...

– Killing everything we find on our way. – Dean crossed his arms.

When the waiter brought her food, her stomach groaned loud.

– God, I’m starving. – She moaned.

When Sam reached out to grab one her fries, Y/N slapped his hand.

– Watch your hand, bitch. I’ve told you thousands of times, and I’m telling you now, I don’t share food.

He laughed. He had missed her.

 

* * * * *

– So. – She laid in Sam’s bed – What do we have?

Dean tossed her some articles, not even looking ate her. They weren’t _really_ talking.

– We went to the morgue. The guys lost his eyes. – He gesticulated. – We talked to his daughter, guess what?

– Huh? – She arched her eyebrow.

Sam sat down in front of her,

– Bloody Mary.

Y/N frowned.

– Bloody Mary? Wasn’t he too old for that mirror thing? – She looked at the younger Winchester. – And now?

– Research. – He stood up. – Come on, we gotta go to the library.

– Shit. I hate research.

Who didn’t?

Hours later she was sitting on a chair while Sam slept, and the tension between she and Dean was so thick she could touch and play with it. When the younger Winchester whimpered, she jumped in his direction.

– He’s having a nightmare. – Dean looked at her, trying to sound indifferent.

She waited and, when Sammy turned to look at her, she leaned in his direction.

– Hey, are you okay?

– Nightmare. – He moaned. – With Jessica. Hell, Dean, why did you let me sleep?

The woman frowned, reaching out to pet his hair and kissed his forehead before went back to the research.

– Because I’m an awesome brother. – The older Winchester rolled his eyes, trying not to focus in how affectionate she was with his baby brother.

He missed how sweet she could be sometimes.

– Did you two find anything? – Sam changed the subject.

– Nope. – She moaned. – No Mary, no strange deaths...

Sam’s phone ringing called her attention.

_It can be John._

But it wasn’t. She was enjoying the case, but she still needed to talk to the boys about his missing, and none of them seemed to be willing to say anything.

– Hello?

She waited in silence, and held a smile when he got up in a jump.

– Come on, we have a clue.

The Impala smelled like home. She remembered sharing the back seat with Sammy when they were kids, and sitting at John’s side on her birthdays – cause Dean rarely let her do that –. She was pretty sure that the trunk was full of weapons, just like hers, and wouldn't say it out lout, but loved how little she felt sitting there again.

When they left the car, Sam showed her the girl.

– Y/N, this is Charlie. Charlie, this is Y/N. She’s like our...

He was going to say she was like their sister, but Dean interrupted.

– We work together sometimes.

What the girl – Charlie – described was the expected. “Jill” had died on the bathroom floor, and she had said **that**.

“Bloody Mary”.

_Hell, that scarred Y/N._

– We think we know what’s going on. – The female hunter said, making them look at her. – And we can fix it, but we kinda need your help.

Minutes later, the boys were climbing to get to the girl’s room as she waited on the car.

She had never, ever, drive the Impala, but knew she needed to cover their asses if something happened.

When her phone rang, she was ready to burst away.

– Hey, pretty ass. – Sam whispered. – Get a black light on the back of the car for us, please?

– Sure.

When she opened the trunk, she got kinda surprised. They had more things that she remembered.

She found the light, and headed to a Dean who was pretty silent.

To Sam’s next request, she needed pen a paper.

– Gary Bryman. – She whispered.

She didn’t have a good feeling about the name.


	3. Chapter 2 - He just changed, and I don’t know why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 2 - He just changed, and I don’t know why**

 

– Gary Bryman. – Y/N sat in front of the girl. It took less than 5 minutes on the local library to find the name. – A 8-year-old boy, died hit by a... Black Toyota Camry, but no one knows who was driving it.

Charlie’s face was deeply pale.

_Can you tell me how we got in this situation?_

– What? – Sam leaned over the girl. – What’s wrong?

– It was Jill’s car. Jill killed that boy.

She looked at the two brothers. It wasn’t late ‘til they find out a clue about the previous death.

The first thing she did when entering their room was grab the first computer she found.

– Hey. – Dean protested.– I was going to use it.

– You said it right. “ **Was** ”. – She rolled her eyes. – Do you have access to national data here? FBI, NCIC...?

– What do you think I am? An amateur? Of course I do. – He took his jacket off. – What are you looking for?

– Any Mary is useful. – She reminded him.  – Not that you’d take my word as the first option.

He rolled his eyes. She was doing _that_ again.

He had missed her, but one thing Y/N was, was deeply and **strongly** passive-aggressive.

– You’re doing it again. That’s why no one liked to go with you in your car.

She looked at him _almost_ offended.

– No, that’s why **you** didn’t like to go with me in my car. I had pretty much fun with Sammy driving and singing.

He tossed his boot over the floor before answering.

– Well, that’s because Sammy likes girl songs, just like you.

– At least I like to vary the music I hear.

He snorted.

– That shit you use to hear can’t even be called music.

_I can’t seem to get you out of my mind_

Oh... that was pretty deep.

– At least I respect other people's musical taste, unlike some jerks. – She looked at him with a little bit of fire in her eyes.

Dean rubbed his eyes, annoyed with her tone.

 

– Why the hell are you angry?

– I’m not angry.

They didn’t realize, but their voices were a lot louder than normal.

– Do why the fuck are you yelling at me? – He shouted at her.

– Because you started yelling at me first.

Sam didn’t know what to say. He had expected that the two would fight, but figured it would take a little more time.

– Can we, please, focus on the case? – He finally said.

_All this ups and downs_

Dean and Y/N looked at him for a second.

– Fine, I don’t care – Both said.

It took some time before the two brothers started talking about mirrors, and she kept searching.

– I found it. – She warned them, already printing the photos. – Mary Worthington, died in Indiana.

They exchanged looks and the two boys stood up.

– You’ll come with us? – Sam looked at her.

Y/N quickly declined.

– I’ll stay, in case Charlie needs something.

* * * * *

It took a day to Charlie to call her, right after the boys find the needed information.

The girl was panicking.

– Calm down. – She managed to say. – Okay, let me... I’ll visit you, okay? Go to your home, don’t look at mirrors... But calm down and wait.

Her next 20 minutes were spent covering the whole house mirrors and glass things, including TVs, clocks, eyeglasses... Anything with reflection.

– It’s okay. – She hugged the girl awkwardly. – It’s okay, we... We’ll protect you. Just... The boys are coming.  They’re coming.

Hell, she hasn’t dealt with this kind of spirit yet.

That night when they left, they were driving, Y/N after the two brothers in her car, and she didn’t understand when they stopped on the road.

Taking a gun, she parked a little behind them and waited some minutes before walking carefully in the Impala’s direction. Happily, Dean was just talking to Sammy.

– What’s wrong? – She leaned over the driver’s window.

– Family talk. Just go back to your car. – The older Winchester decided.

– I thought I was family. – She joked.

Dean turned to look at her.

– Well, you’re not.

_They trip op our good intentions_

Y/N frowned.

– What the fuck is wrong with you? – She decided to ask.

Dean frowned.

– Excuse me?

– I asked what the fuck is wrong with you. – She repeated. – Ever since I arrived you’ve been treating me like shit. What the fuck is wrong with you?

– I don’t have to answer anything to you. – He sat straight, ignoring her.

The female hunter felt the urge to punch him. Dean was an asshole, she knew that, but, goddammit, he was an asshole with really pretty eyes.

All she wanted was to punch him hard and kiss him even harder.

– Do you think I give a shit for what you think? – She yelled. – Do you think I’m here because of **you**? You’re just a piece of shit. I’m here because of John and Sammy. I’m here, because **they** are my family. Not you.

She walked away and he left the car.

– I never asked you to come. – He yelled. – I never said I needed your help.

_Nobody said this as an easy ride_

She just ignored him and turned on her own car, driving back to the city.

Sam texted her when the case was over, asking where she was and apologizing for Dean.

When they met, Charlie couldn’t help but hug her, thanking.

She was free.

* * * * *

Weeks later, they still didn’t talk to each other. Sam was the one between them, basically translating things and talking about the cases.

When that shapeshifter was wearing Dean’s face and body, she was pretty happy killing it and going to the funeral with Sam.

Well, “Dean Winchester”, her fiancée, was dead. She had to bury him with the proper ceremony.

The place was empty, with just a few people she never saw, but pretended to know her.

– I’m so sorry he turned to be this kind of guy. – A redheaded woman caressed her hand. – You must be so sad.

– We knew each other ever since we were kids, and he used to be so lovely. – She whispered, looking at the grave. – We were high school sweethearts, you know? But he just changed, and I don’t know why.

Sam watched her while she said that. He knew which parts were true, and knew how it felt for her.

– He was everything to me. – Y/N whispered, feeling her heart heavy. – Then, he started hating me and I still don’t know why. I guess I’ll never find out.

The Winchester by her side wrapped his arm around her shoulder, kissing her forehead.

– I’m sorry, Y/N. – He whispered. – I’m really, really sorry.

 


	4. Chapter 3 - Baby steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y/H/C: Your hair colour  
> Y/L/N: Your last name
> 
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 3 - Baby steps**

 

– How come that you and the jerk always find a pretty girl in every town we pass by? – Y/N looked at Sam.

They were on the road, followed by Dean. The three had been hunting together was been weeks and her relationship with Dean hasn’t improved. It was common for Sam to travel in both cars, shifting between the to in each stop they made, and  he was really annoyed with the anger between the two.

– What can I say, girls like danger, and we smell like danger. – He laughed. – What ‘bout you? No guys to relax?

– Men are trouble, Sam. – She smiled at the road.

Sam took a whole minute to process.

– So you like girls? – He was surprised.

Her eyes got wide.

– No. – She laughed, flipping her her Y/H/C over her shoulder. – No, Sam. I’m into guys. But you know our lifestyle, we can’t get attached.

She sighed before keep talking.

– When hunters thing about relationships, we only have two choices. Be with a Hunter or be with no one, and I’m enjoying being single. I’m 23, you know?

He didn’t answer and she turned the radio on.

There were no News about John. The only thing they knew was that he wasn’t dead. At least, no dead body was identified as John Winchester or had his description.

When Dean’s car was beside them, she tried ignoring him when the two brothers yelled against each other.

– Speed up. – Sam finally told her.– We’re getting close.

* * * * *

It was weird to be in Lawrence.

Really, really weird.

She had never stepped on that city, or even see the Winchester’s family photos.

The place was beautiful, and also pretty uncomfortable to Dean.

– Come on in. – The woman opened the door for them before she could realise. – And you are...

Y/N stopped for a second, looking at the two brothers.

– She’s my girlfriend. – Sam lied. – Come on in, babe. I’ll show you my room if the misses allows me too.

She looked around, interested in the past of the house.

When they started describing the lights and the sounds, something was **really** wrong.

– How did you know, Sam. – She whispered.

Dean was in the bathroom and the two were alone, inside the car.

– I just did.

She left out a long sigh.

– We can fix some things for her, you know. – She gave the idea. – If we need to come inside again.

– Yes, we do.

They stood in silence again.

– Have you ever came back to your old house? – He asked. – Have you ever stepped inside there, and looked at your room and your  fireplace? Ever imagined why you left?

She shook her head.

They never knew about her past or family. Even John knew just enough about her father, but they _never asked_.

– We have an old house, our family. I do, actually. – She looked away, lost in thoughts. – It belonged to my grandfather after his father died, and then to him, and then to my father. It’s mine now.

He looked at her, seeing how this was personal.

– The funniest thing is, I never lived there. Before my father died, we just travelled around, with him teaching me how to kill those things we fight. My home was my car and he was my only family.

Sam hesitated.

– Y/N... What happened to your mother?

She gave him a bitter smile.

– She left when I was just a baby. – She grabbed her wallet and opened, showing him a picture. The woman with a smile was holding a tiny baby. – That’s her, and that’s me.

– Had you ever looked for her?

She shook her head again.

– I don’t want to. – She looked at him. – She left, Sam.

– But she is your family.

She laughed, drying a tear that she didn’t even realize had fallen.

No, she wasn’t.

– You’re my family, Sam. You, John... – Y/N hesitated. – Even Dean can be my family. But this woman... She’s not my family.

And he didn’t say anything about it.

When they went to the psychic, things were adorably weird.

The black woman with a nice and sweet voice gave her a smile before calling them.

– Come on, Sam and Dean. You too, Y/N.

She knew the two boys, and could help but compliment them.

– And you, girl. – She held her hand. – Huh... You two gotta talk. You don’t want to lose her, Dean. You’ll never find someone like this girl. Ever.

She blushed, not knowing exactly what it meant.

They sat on the sofa and she just watched, letting the guys ask the questions.

It was too personal. She wasn’t a Winchester, and God only knows how uncomfortable Dean was with her there.

 Right now, she didn’t want him to be more bothered.

_Maybe later._

She knew about the fire, John had told her years ago. It was very sad that Mary had died that way.

– Come on. – Dean stood up. – We will see the house. Missouri, you go with... – He looked at Y/N. – her.

She nodded, not wanting to disturb him, but still feeling a little weird with the psychic.

Dean didn’t want her there. It wasn’t her case.

She wasn’t a Winchester.

– Yes, you are. – The woman said, making her breath deeply. – This boys... they love you, dear. You and Sam are probably the only two things keeping Dean holding on today. Without you two, he would be wrecked.

– I’m not a Winchester. – She whispered. – I’m a Y/L/N.

– Your last name doesn’t matter for them. You are family for this boys, and this boys are family for you. There’s love between you, Y/N.

She didn’t answer, and no one said anything until they reached the house. Dam and Dean knocked the door with Missouri. She just waited until they could come in. While the three went upstairs, she stood with Jenny.

– What are you? – The blond woman looked at her.

Y/N looked at the boy, looking for words.

– We are hunters. – She finally said, smiling to the little boy. – We make the monsters go away.  

– You, your boyfriend, his brother...

– He’s not my boyfriend. Sorry about this lie. – She blushed.

Jenny nodded.

– Will you...

– We will protect your family, don’t worry.

When the guys came down, she waited for na answer.

– Come on, Y/N. – Sam looked at her. – Let’s kill a poltergeist

And they cleaned the place. The cleaned that so clean that Sam and she almost died hen he was attacked and she tried to help. .

But when Y/N was sleeping at the backseat of the Impala with the boys watching the house and Dean’s voice woke her up, she knew something was really wrong.

– Get the baby. – Sam told her. – I’ll get the girl.

And she ran. God, she ran like she was their mother, and when Sam was dragged inside, she got so many guns that the little girl was scared of looking at her.

Sam was her family.

– I can do it, Y/N. – Dean walked past her. – Protect Nenny.

 _After all, we’re only human_  
  


– No fucking way. – She looked at him. – Sam is my family, and no one messes with my family, jerk.

He didn’t say anything after that, and she was the one who broke the wooden door and who pointed a gun to the fire figure.

– Don’t. – Sam screamed. – Don’t do it.

And it was Mary.

And Mary recognized them. Well, she recognized _the boys_.

And, _what the hell was **that**_ , it had gone,

Her legs felt like jelly, and if it wasn’t for Dean she would fall on her knees.

– Too much for a day, huh? – He whispered.

_Always fighting one more feeling_

It was like nothing has changed.

– Let’s get outside, Smelly. You’re more sensible that we two. – He pointed at Sam. – Come on. You need some air. We all do.

That morning, when Sam was talking to Missouri, he approached her again.

– So. – She crossed her arms. – We’re fine?

– I’m sorry. – He finally said. – She’s right. I’m... Sorry.

– And that’s all I can get from you.

He nodded and the two leaned against her red car.

_Hurt instead of healing_

– You’re the only family I have left. – She finally said, not looking at him. – I can’t lose you,

– I’ll try not to fight with you again.

They didn’t hug. They didn’t touch each other.

Dean was hurt. She had left, she had abandoned him two years before.

He wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet.

– So. – Sam looked at her while Dean was in his own car. – You guys are friends again?

She gave a little smile.

– We are taking baby steps, Sam. – She finally said. – Are you coming on my car?

He shook his head.

– See you at the next stop, then.

_Is there any other reason  
Why we stay instead of leaving?_


	5. Chapter 4 – Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> – Y/N, you’re really thinking about staying with them?
> 
> She sighed.
> 
> – Maybe. John raised me when I was a kid, he and the boys are my family, what do you expect me to do? Of course I’m thinking about staying. I missed the boys so much, and I’m really worried about John.
> 
> – And this has not to do with Dean Winchester? Nothing at all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

Chapter 4 – Soon

** No one ** knew a single thing about John. No one knew where he was, or had even heard about him.

– It’s like he doesn’t want to be found. – She sighed.

They had been looking for him for months, and there was basically nothing about John around there. They only knew he was _alive,_ and that was a _guess_.

– So, no news? – Jo asked in the other side of the line.

Y/N denied in a sigh.

_ I need another story _

– No.

The boys were sleeping in their beds. They were sharing a room in the town, and, _hell_ , Sam could be a really loud sleeper sometimes.

– Can you hear Sam snoring? – Y/N whispered, holding a laugh. – I can’t believe I agreed to sleep in a room with the two from now. I hate the fact that we have to save the money.

– At least until you find John. – The other woman completed her sentence.

She stood in silence.

Perhaps, just perhaps, she could stay with the Winchesters.

– What?

_ Something to get off my chest _

She knew Jo ever since she was a kid, and even kept in contact with her while travelling with the Winchesters. She was her best friend, and her first _female_ best friend.

– Y/N, you’re really thinking about staying with them?

She sighed.

– Maybe. John raised me when I was a kid, he and the boys are my family, what do you expect me to do? Of course I’m thinking about staying. I missed the boys so much, and I’m really worried about John.

– And this has not to do with Dean Winchester? Nothing at all?

Y/N blushed.

_ My life gets kind of boring _

She knew the subject would come soon.

– Does it even matter? It’s not likeit's going to happen, Jo. You know what I always say, _men are_ ** _trouble_**. God only knows how hard it was to live with _you-know-who_ with all that _you-know-what_ thing going on.

– And you’re living it all again? – She snapped. – Y/N, you’re better than that.

– Yes, I do, Jo. – She sighed. – I’m a grown ass woman now, and I have to learn how to handle my own shit.

On the next bed, Dean couldn’t help listening to the conversation.

_ Need something that I can confess _

He had seen her on the phone many nights, and had taken the bed beside her to try to find out about who she was talking with.

_ “Jo. Who the hell is Jo? And who the hell is _ __ you-know-who _? Did she have a relationship with Lord Voldemort?”_

– Are you mad at me? – She finally asked.

– Of course I do. – The blonde hunter rolled her eyes, knowing the her friend could imagine her expression. – But it’s not like I can change your mind, right?

– Thanks. – Y/N whispered.

The two stood in silence for a second and she sighed again.

– I gotta go. – She looked at the clock. – Take some sleep.

– Good luck. I’ll call you tomorrow. Stay alive,

– Stay alive.

She turned off the phone, taking a deep breath before standing up.

_ Till all my sleeves are stained red _

– What is wrong with the fucking heat of this goddammit place? – Y/N whispered.

She was all sweat, and could understand why Sam and Dean weren’t wearing any blankets.

The woman looked at the two at the half light, checking if they were really asleep.

_ But Dean was fully awake, and she didn’t know. _

And he felt guilty making no effort not to look at her while she undressed quickly in front of her bag.

Finding the big mirror in the room with her eyes, she took a look at the scars that crossed her front torso.

_ From all the truth that I've said _

Dean’s eyes went wide.

How did she get those scars?

How could she hide them from them?

It started on her ribs and ended up on her hip, crossing her whole torso on three diagonal lines, with a lot of other little marks around it, where she was sutured. She never felt safe to let anyone see those marks.

She had been on the OR for hours after this particular hunt, having her stomach, liver and many other organs perforated, and lived a long while with Jo and Ellen at the Harvelle's Roadhouse.

_ Come by, it honestly I swear _

She almost died that day.

That was the last time she saw John Winchester.

_ – Dammit girl. – He had said later that night, looking at her on the bed, full of wires and needles. – Is this what happens when I leave you alone? _

_ – I’m sorry, dad. – She had whispered through the mask, too weak. – I didn’t mean to get that hurt. _

_ He could count on his fingers the times she called him dad. That was the 9th in 13 years. _

_ – Did you at least kill the thing? – John had caressed her hand. _

_ He knew how she hated _ __ that kind _of creature, her father was killed by one. She would never die before killing that one._

_ – With a silver knife. Just like you taught me once. _

_ – A knife? Well, that's why now you're here. _

_ Thought you saw me wink, no _

He stood for a while with her on the Harvelle's when she left the hospital (God only knows how they lied to the doctors about a giant bear, and how long the police looked for this bear), but the boys didn’t know about that. They didn’t know about the werewolf, the surgery, or the scar, or the months she passed with Jo’s family.

Dean wanted to stand up and confront her. He wanted to ask questions and find out why she hasn’t asked for their help with whatever had hurt her that way. He was smart enough to know that, with scars that big, her life had been in a great danger,

_ Does dad knows what happened? If he does, how can he hide it from us? _

His thoughts were silenced when her bra fell on her hands. He had seen a lot of girls in his life – even her, when they were just kids and her torso looked exactly like his –, but her natural forms were _divine_. The scars just made her look more dangerous.

He laid on his side, hiding – or trying to hide – his erection.

Y/N looked at him, checking if he was asleep, before grabbing a tank top and covering her torso and scars.

_ I've been on the brink, so _

_ He had to ask her about it. Soon. _

But what would he say?

“Hey, Y/N I saw you naked. What the hell is that scar on your torso? By the way, I think you’re extremely hot and I’ll probably jerk off with the image of you dressed just on your panties.”

She would punch him so hard that his head would leave his body, and Sam would be sure to hold him while it.

He ended just turning around, ignoring the will to walk to her and see what else she had hidden.

_ I'm gonna give all my secrets away _

* * * * *

Y/N took the gun out of her pillow the minute she heard something weird, pointing at whatever was at her side before remembering that she was sharing the room with the boys.

– It’s really weird not to be alone, you know. – She laughed, but noticed how the boys were tense while Sam was on the phone.

Quickly, she checked if her scar was on display, but her full torso was covered by the tank top.

– What’s wrong? Who is Sam talking with?

– Dad. – Dean whispered.

Y/N din’t think too much and walked into Sam, grabbing the phone.

– Where the fuck are you? – She yelled. – We’ve been looking for you is been ages.

– I educated you better than this, girl. – John warned her. – I miss you too, but you gotta stop looking for me right now. I know it had put the family together, but I don’t want you three involved in that.

Before she could answer, Dean took the phone away.

She missed John a lot, and the thought that he could be in danger was freaking her and the boys out. They had no Christmas or Hanukah or New Year, so concentrated on finding him.

He couldn’t just say “Stop looking for me”.

He didn’t have the right.

– What did he say? – Sam looked at Dean, realizing he had turned the phone off.

– He wants us to hunt in Indiana. Let’s go.

The two argued, but Y/N just sighed and went to shower. Talking about John Winchester, she couldn’t argue. She would just do what she was told.


	6. Chapter 5 – A family must stay together

Chapter 5 – A family must stay together

 

Y/N kept following the Winchester’s car until Sam stopped in the middle of the road.

– What is wrong with this family and roads? – She whispered to herself, stopping too, and walking towards their car.

She reached them just in time to hear Dean two yelling and Sam getting his bag.

– What is wrong? – She frowned. – Why are you getting your things, Sam?

– He's a selfish bastard. – Dean shouted, – Doing whatever he wants, doesn't care what anybody thinks.

Y/N was confused. _What is going on now?_

– This Moose here is going to California. – Sam looked down at her. – Dad is there, in Sacramento. Are coming with me?

She looked at Dean for a second.

_Hell. Do I have to choose now?_

Sacramento... It was where her old house was.

_Her mother was there._

Did she want do go there?

– He told us to go to Indiana. – She murmured.

– I’m going after him.

She sighed.

– Hey, Y/N, we have a plan. – Dean reminded her. – We will pretend we are a lost couple, you can’t blow our plan.

– I can’t. – She looked at him. – But I gotta find John, Dean. He may be in danger, you know how he is.

Dean frowned.

– So you’re going with him?

_My God, amazing how we got this far_

– It’s just for a week. – Sam looked at her.

But Dean didn't care about how long it was.

– You’re leaving again? – He pointed. – After these six months you’re leaving again?

– I’m not leaving. We need to find your father, Dean. That’s why we’re here. That’s why I came back, why Sam first left Stanford... Anything in between is just killing time.

– He gave us a mission. – Dean insisted.

– And we found our own mission. – She completed, breathing deep. – Are you coming with us?

– No.

Sam shrugged and walked to her car, leaving the two alone.

Still, Y/N hesitated.

– Come on, Dean. – She asked. – Let’s find him. Please.

But he just turned around and left.

_It's like we were chasing all those stars_

* * * * *

The sun was up when they finally said something.

– You once told me your house was in California. – Sam looked at her.

– Yeah. – She looked at him. – Sacramento.

He nodded.

– Do you think dad could be there? – He suggested. – Does he have the keys?

She shook her head.

– Probably not. – She glanced at him. – Only a few people got the keys to my old house.

– Like who?

She shrugged.

– Me, Bobby, Jo and Ellen. If they need a place to stay, the house is there.

– Who are Jo and Ellen? – He frowned.

– A family. I met them when I was little. Jo’s father was alive, mine too, and aunt Ellen was the closest thing I knew of a mother. – She smiled a little. – I ran to them when I was hurt once, and they run to me when they need help.

He looked at her, a little surprised.

_Whose driver shining big black cars_

– You got hurt?

Y/N almost blushed, biting her tongue for saying too much.

– I got hurt in a hunt. Nothing big, it’s been long now, don’t worry.

He nodded a little, not wanting to push her too much. She would open up as soon as she was ready to.

The first stop they made was in a restaurant. Sam’s stomach was really loud while she ate in silence.

– Are you bothered? – He looked at her. – You know, because we're going to your home town?

She sighed.

– I don’t know... A little. I don’t know if I really want to go there.

He touched her hand, caressing her skin with his thumb.

_And everyday I see the News  
All the problems that we could solve_

– It's okay. We don't have to get close your house, we can stay in a motel.

She nodded, yawning.

– Do you want me to drive? – He offered. She looked real tired.

Y/N hesitated. It was her father’s car.

_But she drove the Impala when they needed her too. Twice in her life, but she did._

– Yeah. – She smiled slightly. – Just be careful with Jude.

He laughed. _Jude?_

– I think I have enough experience with cars to drive Jude.

She smiled, sweet as she had always been with Sam.

– Come on.

They stood there until they finished the meal, and she laid on the back seat while he took her place, driving the red car. She was deep asleep when Sam stopped to talk to her.

_And when a situation rises  
Just write it into an álbum?_

– Y/N. – He shook her arm. – Y/N, wake up.

– What? – She moaned in a whisper. – What’s wrong?

– I can’t reach Dean. – He looked at her. – There’s something wrong, we gotta come back.

She took a second to understand.

– Drive back, then. – She rubbed her eyes, quickly jumping on the seat beside him. – What is he hunting?

– Some kind of god. – He drove faster. – Someone had been making sacrifices, but he hasn’t told me if he found out the reason.

– Did he give you a name or something?

– No. – He rolled his eyes. – How far are we?

She looked at the map and the clock.

– Not enough. Fuck. Speed up.

_Sitting straight, too low  
And I don't really like my flow, no, so..._

 

* * * * *

 

When they parked, she couldn't help, but want to run, and when she saw Dean and a girl tied up to a tree she grabbed her knife to cut the ropes.

– You two are late. – He joked and Y/N leaned to help him. – Keep an eye on the scarecrow, it can come alive at any minute.

Sam looked at him blankly.

– What scarecrow?

_Fuck._

She freed the girl and grabbed the backup guns on her clothes, giving one to Sam and one to Dean.

– Girl, I just love how paranoid you are. – The older Winchester brother looked at her.

It took about five minutes to the people to find them, and she pointed her gun at the second she saw the circle around them.

– You try shooting any of us and I’ll blow your brain. – She warned them.

It wasn’t necessary. Everyone screamed when the scarecrow took a couple of the city residents and fled away, making them run.

In the morning, they found the tree (source of power of the _thing_ ) and watched it burn.

When the girl – she didn’t know her name – left, Dean wrapped his arm around her shoulders, nonchalant.

– So... What now? – He looked at her and Sammy. – Goodbye?

Y/N arched him na eyebrow.

– Goodbye? – She laughed. – You’re stuck with us.

Dean frowned.

– So you’re not leaving?

– Nope. – Sam stood by his side. – What can I say, we are a family. A family must stay together.

The three looked at each other for a moment before she handle her car keys.

– Come on. Let’s find a motel far from this place, I want to sleep on a bed as far as possible from here.


	7. Chapter 6 – A hell of a problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He wanted to touch her ass._   
>  _He wanted to squeeze that fucking ass._   
>  _He wanted to slap that sweet, tender ass and leave a red mark there, so everyone could see he had been there._   
>  _But, first of all, he wanted to put her on his shoulder and cover her buttocks from all those eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 6 – A hell of a problem**

 

_Sweat dripping down your chest_

– You’re really going [dressed like this](https://cdn2.bigcommerce.com/server400/50mxw/products/6427/images/29862/5H9Q0747__35290.1462844037.1280.1280.JPG?c=2)? – Dean looked at her. – Really?

Y/N rolled her eyes.

They were going to the bar, since the money was running out. The two would bet on pool and there was no harm attracting some looks and distractions from the other players.

– Why do you care? – She looked at herself. – It’s not like I’m naked.

– Well, I’m pretty sure I’ll see your sweet ass covered in flower panties as soon as you lean with the cue stick.

She gave a little smile, sassy.

– Who said my sweet ass is covered by my panties?

Their eyes got wide and she laughed.

– Come on, jerk, relax a little. – She rolled her eyes again. – Or are you jealous?

– Of you? – He looked at her, deeply sarcastic. – Keep dreaming, smelly.

_Thinking ‘bout your tattooed knuckles  
On my thigh boy, boy, boy_

She faced forward and opened the door for the two before entering the place.

The place was basically masculine, with a bunch of girls barely dressed walking around as waitresses or looking for someone that could buy them drinks.

The minute they came in, many eyes followed the three.

Ignoring it, they leaned over the balcony.

– Hey Buddy. – The bartender looked at them. – Beer for the guys and, let me guess, a cosmopolitan for the beautiful lady.

Sammy laughed and she rolled her eyes.

– No pretty drinks on this girl, sweetheart. – She looked at him from head to toes. – Gimme a beer.  

 _Cold shower, you got no_  
_Power to control_  
_How I make you my toy, toy, toy_

He obeyed and looked over to Dean when she left to the pool table, surrounded by male looks.

– Your girlfriend is hot. – He complimented. – Does she fuck as good as like she looks?

He clenched his teeth, grabbing his beer and following her, making the man look at Sam.

– What’s wrong?

The tall men laughed to himself.

– What’s right?

After two years, Sam had forgetten how good she was gambling.

After just ten minutes, she had already win the first bet and 150 dollars.

– How does she do it? – He whispered surprised.

But Dean didn’t answer.

He was too busy staring at her legs as the skirt lift so high that he could say that everyone was dreaming and waiting to see if her panties were covering her ass.

 _My hips rocking_  
_As we keep lip locking_  
_Got the neighbours screaming_  
_Even louder louder_

– Goddammit. – He whispered.

He wanted to touch her ass.

He wanted to _squeeze_ that fucking ass.

He wanted to slap that sweet, tender ass and leave a red mark there, so everyone could see he had been there.

But, first of all, he wanted to put her on his shoulder and cover her buttocks from all those eyes.

– Sammy. – He looked at his brother. – They’re looking at her like she’s a meal.

– You **always** look at her like she’s a meal. – He sipped his beer, looking around. – You two are just blind fools. Seriously, dude...

Dean rolled his eyes. Sam always said he and Y/N had a sexual tension so thick between them that it was possible to feel on the air with your hand.

– Come on, even dad used to ask me to keep an eye on you, afraid you’d attack each other ever since we were teens.

Dean didn’t answer.

 _Lick me down like you were_  
_Rolling rizla_  
_I’m smoking_  
_Come and put me out_

He didn’t want to spoil their relationship at that time, but he had done it alone. He could deal with her being a tomboy and acting like a bro, but things got hard when she realized her own beauty. If he couldn’t take his eyes off of her before, now it was even more impossible.

15 minutes later, she already had more 200 dollars on her hands.

Wiggling her hips, she walked to the bar and grabbed another beer, while the older Winchester was in his 6th one.

– Why don’t you buy us a round, sweetheart? – Someone asked, looking at her.

– I gotta pay my bills, honey. – Y/N rolled her eyes. – I thought you were planning to play, Dean.

– You’re working really well there without me. – He crossed his arms. – Feel free to go on.

 _I’m your dream girl_  
_This is real love_  
_But you know what they say about me_

And she did. Late that night, she had a lot of money on her hands, even though she was the only one counting.

The boys only watched, already lost on how many times she had won, but no one cared.

They didn’t mind losing if they could look at her body as she leaned down.

Dean was furious.

– I gotta pee. – Sam warned him. – Don’t kill anyone.

He could roll his eyes, but he was too busy watching.

– All I can think about now is fucking her. – Someone said close to him and he looked over. Just a guy with a bunch of friends.

_Like he could go on her._

_But you know what they say about me_

– You’re too much for her. – He said out loud without realizing it.

The guy looked over him, probably too drunk. He was taller than Dean, and a little more built up, but he had killed things bigger than him.

– Watch me.

He left the beer at the table and his friends turned to watch the scene, just like the Winchester.

She wouldn’t let that guy flirt with her.

 _Would she_?

_That girl is a problem_

He walked to the pool table, whispering something to her ear. Y/N just rolled her eyes and walked away, leaning over to her next move, but stopped the moment his hands laid on her back and ass.

_Oh, he didn’t do that._

It took her less than 10 seconds to grab him, hit his face against a wall and pin him on the floor, stepping on his neck.

– Try to fight me and I’ll break more than your nose.

_Girl is a problem_

_Fuck._

Dean wanted to fuck her right now. He was even getting hard inside his pants.

He loved how dangerous she was, loved how she could break anyone’s nose in a second, and see how that guy’s face seemed spoiled just made his cock twicht a little.

The whole bar stood in silence for a long minute and she left the game, walking over the bar and passing by Sam and Dean, who were too surprise to follow her for some seconds.

_Girl is a problem, problem_

– Fuck. – The bartender looked at the two when they left the money before leaving. – That girl must be a hell of a problem.

_A god damn problem_

 


	8. Chapter 7 - Just don't let me disappear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

Chapter 7 - _Just don't let me disappear_

_Got no reason_

Dean was in the hospital.

– Shit, Dean. – She rubbed her eyes. – Fuck. Goddammit, your fucking stupid asshole.

She looked over to where Sam was talking to the police man.

It was all because of a case. They saved two kids, but Dean has undergone an electrical shock and now she was crying like a goddammit baby while waiting for the doctor.

When the doctor who was taking care of Dean passed by her, she stopped him even before Sammy.

– How is he?

Under this name, she was his wife. Quite a good choice, as she was crying like one.

Behind her, Sam touched her shoulders.

– He’s resting. The shock caused him a heart attack.

– What does that mean? – He frowned behind her.

– The damage was too much. We made him comfortable, but...  He only has some weeks, maybe a month.

Her heart stopped beating.

– No... No. – She looked at the tal and dark skinned man. – There’s some treatment, he can’t die... You are wrong. There need to be something. Anything.

– Sorry, ma’am, but we can’t work miracles.

Sam’s hands were hard on her.

– You’re wrong. You are wrong. There’s something you can do, you gotta do something.

– I’m sorry.

– It’s okay. – Sam whispered, trying to calm her.

She was shaking.

– No. – She looked at him. – They said it about me. They said I would die, but I didn’t. You can try harder and save him too.

Sam didn’t know what she was talking about, and just watched as she entered Dean’s room.

He seemed too weak, too pale and even too skinny.

_Got no shame_

– Daytime TV sucks. – He looked at her, but she stood in silence. – What, you’re not talking to me? I’m dying, you should talk to me.

Her face was frozen, and her heart was almost at the same state while he started talking about how he was just not lucky enough.

– Stop talking like you’re gonna die. – Sam said behind her. – You’re not gonna die. We can do something.

They talked, and she didn’t say anything. And, when he left, she didn’t. Instead, Y/N just stared at the outside through the window.

– You should go. – The sick Winchester looked at her. – You should...

– I won’t leave you. – She looked over her shoulder. – Sam is doing research, and I’m staying here.

She took a deep breath.

– I won’t leave you.

And she fulfilled that promise for a whole day and night, not talking and just looking outside. She couldn’t say anything, or she would start crying all over again, and she didn’t want Dean to see how affected she was.

– I’m your wife. – She finally said, only in the next morning. – We married... We got married in a church in Vegas, with just your brother and my best friend with us, almost three years ago.

Dean laughed a little.

– And now, my loving wife is here, not talking to me while I’m dying. Quite an end to us, Smelly.

She turned around to look at him.

_Got no family_

– You think this is funny? – Y/N looked at him. – You think that see you in this fucking bed is funny? You think I’m laughing now?

– No. – He looked at her. – I think you want to cry, and that’s why you’re in silence. I think you can’t say anything, or you’ll burst into tears, cause I know you too well, Y/N. I think that you’re screaming with me, cause you know there’s nothing you can do right now, so you’re just on your feet, watching the outside in silence.

He knew her too well to ignore all the pain she was trying to hide.

– Go to the motel, take a shower and grab yourself some clothes. – He instructed. – I’m not going anywhere.

She walked over the bed and kissed his forehead. Both closed their eyes. That was the first time they touched each other this way in months, maybe _years_.

Dean had missed how good she smelled, even after all this time without a bath.

– I’ll be right back.

And Y/N left. At the motel, she and Sam barely talked to each other, and he just watched as she walked over the bathroom.

_I can blame_

– You should take a nap. – He said when she left, minutes later. – I can wake you up in half an hour. Don’t worry.

She hesitated, but obeyed.

She woke up to the door sound, and looked at the clock. She had been sleeping for four whole hours.

– Why you didn’t wake me? – She stood up. – I told Dean I’d right back. He’s...

When she turned around, her voice died.

– Here? Are you insane? What are you doing here?

– I discharged myself. – He smiled to her. – I’m not gonna die on a hospital, babe.

– We found a guy, Y/N. – Sam looked at her. – In Nebraska.

– Let’s go, then.

_Just don't let me disappear_

 

* * * * *

It was a church.

A godda... Okay, she couldn’t say that about a church.

– Sam... – She looked at him, parking and helping Dean leave the car.

– Faith healer. – Dean looked at her. – What do you rather do, sweetheart, bury me or burn me?

She rolled her eyes.

Right now, she was taking anything.

If it didn't work, she only had _one_ option. 

 _'Think about it only if you need it, Y/N_ ' She reminded herself. _'Not sooner.'_

Looking inside the tent as the boys came in, she hugged herself, seeing how many sick people were there. Hell, she wanted to cry. She **really** wanted to cry, and she didn’t come in.

Y/N wanted to punch someone, to scream, to do something.

Anything.

So she called John.

She knew Sam had called him, but she wanted to call him. She needed to.

– Your son is dying. – She could manage to say, sobbing. – He’s fucking dying, John. You stayed with me when everyone said I was gonna die, so why you’re not here with him?

– Dean. – She heard inside, and turned off the phone, entering.

She had never entered a church. She even used to joke with Sammy that she would burn inside one, but that didn’t happen.

When she was inside, Dean was walking in the direction of the guy on the front. Slowly, weakly.

 _– God._ – She whispered to herself. She had never prayed before too. – _I’ve seen the worse things in this world. I’ve seen all the creatures anyone can imagine and this is impossible to deny. I know you’re there, I know you’re real, and I know you hate me, but I love this man. I fucking love this man with all my heart, more than I can take. I love him like a friend, and like a lover, and like a brother. I love him even when he hates me, and especially when I hate him. I’ve lost my mother. I’ve lost my father._

She had to take a breath, feeling her hands shaking.

_– I can’t lose Dean too._

And when Dean fell, she ran there like a hurricane to catch him.

– Dean. – She held him.

He didn’t say anything. He just laid there, closed eyes.

– Dean. – She touched his face, realizing she hadn’t taken her ring out yet.

And he opened his eyes.

_I'mma tell you everything_


	9. Chapter 8 - All my secrets

**Chapter 8 - All my secrets**

 

When the tests came back, Dean was _healed._

He was more than healed.

He was perfect.

And he just wanted to investigate why he was healed.

– Hell, Dean, why can’t you just accept it? – Y/N yelled at him when they got to the parking lot.

He was waiting for that. She was just too calm ever since he was charged on the hospital.

Dean knew her even _better_ than Sammy, well enough to know that she was far more shaken than she had shown them before. She was tired, angry, hungry and holding deep sobs at that moment.

He _was_ trying to understand her.

She didn’t have a mother (and he didn’t know why, but supposed she had died), and her father had died when she was nine. They were the only family she had.

Somehow, she loved him.

Not the way he wanted her to, but it was enough for him.

– You’re perfect. – She pointed at him. – Accept it. Believe it. Be thankful. Just for a second, stop saying that you don’t deserve something you needed so much.

When she started shaking, they didn’t know what it was or how she could just stand on her feet, and Dean held her by the elbows, finally realizing she was crying.

– You almost died. – She finally sobbed. – You almost **died** , Dean. And then you fell, and I thought you were dead.

– But I’m not. – He finally said. – I’m **not** , I’m alive, Y/N.

She buried her face in his chest for a long while before finally moving. Her Y/E/C were red and puffy and she didn’t say anything for a moment.

– I won’t help you this time. – She decided. – I won’t... I don’t want to. I _can’t_.

– It’s okay. – He looked at her. – We can do it. You... Go rest.

She went back to the motel, laying on her bed and curling into a ball.

Y/N cried again, and cried herself to sleep.

She was so afraid, and felt everything all at once. She could feel the loss of her mother and father, and even John going missing. It all came together with the feelings of Dean’s almost death.

She woke up two or three hours later with Sam stroking her hair.

– I brought you some food. – He whispered to her. – Can we talk?

_Tell me what you want to hear_

She nodded, sitting down and pulling her hair back on a ponytail.

– You said the doctors said they couldn’t save you. – He looked at her. – They couldn’t save you from what?

Dean’s steps called her attention.

– Does it have any relation with your scars?

She frowned.

– What scars? – Sam looked at her. – You don’t have any scars.

– How do you know? – She looked at Dean.

– I saw you putting your T-shirt on one of these days. It was an accident, but you have a pair of thick scars starting on your side. – He lied.

Y/N sighed.

– Sit down. I’ll tell you what happened.

They sat in silence and she took a deep breath.

_Something that’ll light those ears_

– First, I want to say that my father was killed by a werewolf. – She warned the two men. – I saw the creature and ran to the car, and John saved me just in time. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be alive.

Dean and Sam looked at their feet. John had never told them this story.

– We’re sorry.

She nodded.

– It was a year after I left. – Her fingers found the sheets, moving nervously. – I was hunting a werewolf on Port Angeles for more than four days, but was too hard so I called a friend to help me. He would take 12 hours to reach the place and I decided to start without him. A terrible decision. The thing attacked me when I was running away, cause my silver bullets were over. I fell right in front of Jude and it ripped me from hip to ribs and I cut it’s throat. I was bleeding like a river and just managed to call my friend.

_Sick of all the insincere_

The two stood in silence, listening.

– He got rid of the thing before an ambulance came and called John too.

Dean looked at her, trying to find a day when his father ran to something important.

– We were in Seattle. – He looked at her. – Why didn’t you call us for help?

She shrugged.

– I didn’t want you guys to think I was too weak to hunt on my own.

– We wouldn’t think that, we would help. – He frowned. – You were just too proud to ask for help. You still are.

– And what happened? – Sam asked, interrupting Dean. – How far was the damage?

– My intestines, my stomach, my diaphragm, my spleen... – She tried to list. – I cannot think of any organ that has not been affected at some level on my torso. I don’t even have one of the ovaries after it. I spent hours in the operating room and a lot of weeks in the hospital. I needed a lot of blood and my stitches broke more than once, cause I was too stubborn to just lay on the stupid bed.

_I’m gonna give all my secrets away_

– You **are** too stubborn. – Dean corrected her. – Where did you stay after that?

– With a friend.

– The same one who saved you? – He sounded a little bitter.

– No. A family, you guys never met them.

Sam nodded.

– How long did you stay with them?

She tried to remember, and sighed.

– Six months probably. Then, I started hunting around with them for awhile and then left.

The two looked at her, trying to understand.

_This time_

– Why wouldn’t dad tell me about it? - Dean frowned.

She blushed.

– I asked him not to tell you.

He couldn’t understand.

– Why?

She shook her head.

– I didn’t want to see you, Dean. You seemed to hate me ever since I left, didn’t answer my calls or called back... I though you didn’t care about me anymore.

_Don’t need another perfect lie_

She used to call Sammy sometimes, when she was free. He never called her because she was always hunting – at least he guessed that –, but they always managed to talk at least twice a month.

– So you lied to me when I asked how you were? – The younger Winchester looked at her. – When I asked if you were fine?

She reached for his hand, caressing his skin with her thumb.

– I’m sorry, Sammy. I didn’t want to worry you.

The silence reached the three and no one broke it until Dean walked out the door and shut it right after looking at her for one or two seconds.

She looked at Sam and he kissed her palm.

– It’s okay. I understand. – He finally said. – I better check on him.

– I'll do it. – She stood up. – He’s angry with me, not with you. I’m the one to be blamed.

_Don’t are if critics never jump in line_

She walked out to find Dean walking in circles.

– You’re mad at me. – Y/N crossed her arms. – And I understand that. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what happened, but now you know why I was so angry with you.

He took a deep breath and, surprising her, held her body in a hug.

– Just don’t do it again. – He finally said. – Just... Don’t.

She nodded.

– Okay.

_I’m gonna give all my secrets away_


	10. Chapter 9 – I can’t help  myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 9 – I can’t help  myself.**

 

 _Feeling use_  
But I’m still missing you  


In the end, it was a reaper, but Y/N would never say out loud that she was wrong.

Later, she was the one who came up with the case in Pensylvania, and wasn’t happy when Dean’s “old friend” called and changed her plans, but decided to shut up about it.

But when she found out “ _Cassie_ ” was an ex-girlfriend...?

Oh, she hated the girl.

Dean had told _Cassie_ the Winchester’s secret easily.

“ _We do what we do and we shut up about it_ ” they used to say. She could never tell a boyfriend or a friend about the business, but Dean did it anyway.

And, fucking hell, _Cassie_  was beautiful.

And the way they looked at each other...

– This is my brother Sam and this is Y/N. – Dean pointed. – We’re sorry about your dad.

During the whole case, she stepped aside, leaving most of the talking to the brothers. She even did skip the opportunity to dress up with the boys. At the night, especially when Dean was with _her_ , she could barely sleep.

The boys didn’t even realized that.

– You could come spend a time here. – Jo had suggested while they were on the phone. – It would be good for you to be disinfected of Dean Winchester.

But she didn’t want to. And when they left the town, she was so blue her fingers could turn purple.

She didn’t look at the two kissing and just stared at Jude’s wheel.

– _He seems to love her_. – She had whispered to Jo. – _I’ve never seen someone looking at a random woman this way. He just wants her so much..._

But she never said a word about it to the guys.

_And I can’t see the end of this  
Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips_

– Are you okay? – Sam asked when they stopped to eat. – You look like shit.

– I just need to sleep. – Y/N lied. No way she was letting him know the truth. – I’m tired.

– I can drive Jude if you want to. – He offered. – So you can sleep.

She smiled a little and Dean looked at the two.

– You call your car _Jude_?

She rolled her eyes.

_And now all this time is passing by_

– Yeah. – Sam looked at him. – From The Beatles.

It was Dean’s time to roll his eyes.

– Why am I even surprised?

She didn’t answer.

_But I can’t still seem to tell you why_

(...)

Y/N was asleep when Sam lift her body in his arms, resting her head in his shoulder. 

– She’s still asleep? – Dean asked surprised.

– She didn’t get sleep the past few days, I think something happened.

– Maybe her birthday coming isn’t that good. She always remembers her father in this ocasions.

Dean looked at her, seeing how peaceful she looked while sleeping.

 _It hurts me every time I see you  
_ _Realize how much I need you_

– Give me her and go get us rooms. – He decided, opening the door of the impala and sitting on the passeger seat.

– You sure?

– Yeah. Come on.

Sam carefully left Y/N in Dean’s arms, and she quickly positioned herself on the man’s neck, beathing deep. She smiled unconsciously. She loved his scent.

While the taller Winchester left, his brother smiled to the woman in his arms.

 _“Look at her face”_ He thought to himself. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way her lips were close to his.

He wanted to be brave and kiss her.

He liked Cassie, of course, but she wasn’t Y/N. She wasn’t a hunter that could kick anyone’s ass and smile gracefully at the same time, or could save his life.

_I hate you, I love you  
I hate that I love you_

He wouldn’t need to change for her. He wouldn’t need to be afraid for her.

She knew every little bit of him. She knew his childhood dreams and his fears, and he loved her pies – she could bake a hell of a pie when she wanted to, using recipes from her father, although she only used it in birthdays. She was his perfect match.

He just loved her.

But she only saw him like a brother, and he couldn’t change this fact.

She would never forgive him if she found out about it, and he couldn’t stand to be away from her again.

Sam was taking his time, and he didn’t care. She was warm and perfect in his arms.

– Dean? – She moaned a little, getting closer to his body.

_Don’t want to, but I can’t put nobody else above you_

– Yes, dear? – He whispered back.

Y/N said something he couldn’t understand, and he used his free hand to take her hair out of her face.

Was she asleep or awake? Maybe in that weird state between the two.

 _“What are you dreaming about?”_ He wanted to ask her. _“What do you think about when you’re like this? Do you ever think about me?”_

He didn’t even realize when Sam approached.

– Hey, I got us a room. She deserves a bed.

– Yeah. – Dean stood up and, when his brother tried to take her from him, he just took a step back. – It’s okay. Take our things from the car, we still have _that thing_ to do.

He wouldn’t dare say that out loud. The two Brothers were planning to make Y/N a surprise, as she was turning 24 the next day. They had taken two rooms to them, one to do a surprise party and the other one for them to sleep, so she wouldn’t suspect.

_I hate you, I love you  
I hate that I want you_

The two walked in and Dean put her in the bed, taking her shoes off and tossing a blanket over her body they way he knew she liked it.

– You really know her, huh? – Sam looked at him.

– I do. – He made no case about it, writing a note so she would know what happened to them.

– You know, you and Y/N... – The tall guy started to say, but was interrupted by his older brother.

– We are good friend that had bad times. That’s all. Don’t come at me with all your weird psychology.

Sam rolled his eyes.

– I think she may like you the way you like her. I know you two enough to see it. If you want to talk to her, go ahead. What’s the worse that can happen?

_“I can lose the only woman I really love. The only one I’ve ever loved since mom.”_

But he just rolled his eyes.

– Shut up. – He left the note in a safe place. – Come on, we got things to do.

_You're slowly killing me_

 


	11. Chapter 10 – You had Cassie, let her have this... James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I edited the chapter. In my country/mother language, Pharmacy means Drugstore, so I kinda messed up last time I posted. Sorry.
> 
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

Chapter 10 – You had Cassie, let her have this... James.

 

  _I miss you in my front seat_

 

When Y/N woke up the boys weren’t there, and she quickly found a note with “Got out to grab some food. Can you pass over the Drugstore and take our monthly provisions? I made a list.” in Dean’s handwriting.

She sighed, went to shower and brush her teeth and leaving soon after, [wearing shorts, a tank top and flip flops](http://www.polyvore.com/hold_me_down_chapter_10/set?id=206197454). She knew nothing was wrong with this town. She was turning 24 the next day, and the boys were doing a surprise.

– Sammy. – Dean called his brother in the other room. – Look at her. Look. What the hell is she wearing?

– It’s hot outside. – Sam rolled his eyes. – She’s wearing shorts and a tank top. Big deal. Come on, we're busy here.

Both came back to their activities and back walked on the streets. When her phone called her attention, she soon answered.

– Hey. – Jo sounded on the other side. – Are you still with _Cassie_?

_Do you miss me like I miss you?_

– No, thank God. – She rolled her eyes. – We’re at Paradise Valley, Arizona. The boys sent me to a Drugstore to distract me from them.

Both the women laughed and Y/N sighed.

– So... I was wondering if we could... You know... Go out and spend two weeks together. Take some vacations? Maybe see my house on California and get some sun. – She hesitated. – I need a break. Be disinfected from Dean Winchester.

The blonde woman stood in silence for a couple of seconds.

– Are you okay? – She asked in a low voice.

– I need to get over this _Cassie_. I don’t want to see _him_ for a while.

Jo smiled sadly.

_Fucked around and got attached to you_

– Sure. It’ll be good for both of us to relax a little. Maybe you’ll meet someone and forget about this asshole, huh?

She laughed.

– Okay then, I gotta actually find the monthly provisions now. – Y/N rolled her eyes. – Can I call you later?

– Sure. Bye.

– Bye.

She put her phone in the pocket. She had never actually visit her family house in Sacramento, California, but between be with Dean and Sam – thinking about that girl – and visiting the house she barely remembered about, she would rather go with Jo.

When she reached the drugstore, the place wasn’t really full.

– Good afternoon, I’m James, can I help you with something? – A young man stopped beside her.

Y/N turned around.

Oh. He was handsome.

– Just the usual stuff. – She smiled a little, taking the list from her pocket and seeing the items. – Or not that usual...

She frowned.

– Why the hell they want it? Gas hose, padlocks, flip flops... Why the hell would I find flip flops in a Drugstore? – She looked at the guy, who laughed, and took her phone to call the boys.

Dean answered in the first minute.

– Yes?

– Why the fuck do you want a gas hose? – She asked. – And flip flops? Which one of you want flip flops? You don’t even wear it!

– Sam needs flip flops, and I can’t find our gas hose! We need everything from this list!

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

– What is Sam’s foot size?

(...)

Beside the weird stuff, she also bought the usual: Antihistamines, antipyretics, anti-inflammatories, analgesics, condoms, tampons, gloves, bandages, gauze, more bandages, tweezers, a new thermometer... She basically took half of the Drugstore with her.

– That’s all? – The man looked at her. – You sure you don’t want to check my price too?

– No. – She laughed. – That’s okay.

He nodded, smiling. He had a beautiful smile.

– So, why are you buying the whole Drugstore?

– You know, monthly provisions. We don’t take a month to use it, but we gotta restore from time to time.

– We?

– My family. – She explained. Well, that wasn’t a lie. – My Brothers and I.

James nodded again, finishing his job.

– That’s $407,99, if you get some mores we can make it $410.

– Sure.

He packed her things and looked at the clock.

– So, are you free to have ice cream? I can help you with the stuff.

– You don’t even know my name. –Y/N rolled her eyes.

– Well, what’s your name?

– Y/N.

– Now I do. What do you think?

She pondered. It wasn’t a bad idea.

– Okay, then. Ice cream.

James smiled and asked for a second, talking to another guy who worked there before getting back to her and grabbing two of the four paper bags.

– Are you new in town?

– I’m staying in a motel for some days. – She explained.

He looked at her for a second.

– So you plan to stay?

– No. – She quickly shook her head. – It’s hard to find work more than once in these small towns.

– What do you work with?

She knew he would ask that question.

– We’re sellers. – She lied. – We sell books.

– Cool.

She changed the focus for him as soon as she could, letting the blond man talk about his life in the small town. When they reached her Motel, Dean and Sam were inside the room. The first one at the computer and the last one reading a book.

– Y/N. – The shorter Winchester looked at her.

_Friends can break your heart too_

Her eyes widened.

_She had totally forgotten about the boys._

– Hey. – She tried to hide her surprise. – Huh... James, this is Dean, the moose over there is Sammy. They’re my brothers. Guys, this is James, we met at the drugstore and he offered to help me with the stuff.

Dean looked at the man from head to toe. He was a bit taller than him, but not even close to Sammy's height.

– And we’re leaving now. – She said, leaving the things on the table as fast as possible. – Bye.

Y/N ran away like a rat trying to escape from a cat.

 _There’s a handsome guy here, Y/N._ She reminded herself. _Focus on him, and not on Dean Winchester._

After all, she needed to get laid.

After _Cassie,_ she **really** needed to get laid.

They left, talking, and Dean fought his urge to go grab her back.

– Stupid smiling asshole. – He whispered.

She had just met him and was already smiling and accepting his help?

What was the next step? Sleep at his place?

– What’s the deal? – Sam looked at him.

– You think we can trust that guy? He may be a psycho... Or a magic creature... Or...

– Calm down, dude. – He rolled his eyes. – She just gotta have fun. You had Cassie, let her have this... James.

_and I’m always tired but never of you_


	12. Chapter 11 – Most of the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amazing news: I have a beta!!!!  
> LWinchester, <3  
> Hope you guys like it.

**Chapter 11 – Most of the time**

 

 

– So... – Y/N looked at James. – Tell me more about yourself.

– Well... – He thought for a second. – I’m 25, I own the drugstore. I was born and raised here... Quite a boring life, nothing you’d be interested in.

She smirked and he stopped to open the ice cream shop door.

– What are you doing in Paradise Valley? – The man asked. – I mean, you don’t seem to be selling books _right now_.

– Taking some days off. – She rolled her eyes. – My twenty-fourth birthday is tomorrow and the boys want to surprise me, so I’m pretending I don’t know what they’re doing.

He laughed.

_You’re still in love with me_

– What a good sister you are. – He gave her a sweet smile. – You think your brothers would mind if I take you out for dinner at a fancy place tonight?

She shrugged.

– Maybe you should try asking me first, unless you want to take the moose with you.

He blushed while she picked her ice cream flavour. She really had personality.

– Got it. So, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

She laughed, looking at him. Was there anything cuter than a tall guy blushing?

– Sure. Why not?

James smiled again and picked his own flavour before sitting and continuing with the conversation.

She was different than the girls in town, that was a fact.

Y/N had beautiful eyes. They seemed to be full of secrets and adventures.

– What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?  – He asked.

Her eyes almost widened.

_Oh boy, you wouldn’t want to know._

– I don’t do crazy things. – She lied. – I live on the road, **that** is crazy enough.

– So you leave a lover in every city?

Y/N laughed.

– That’s Dean. – She looked away. – I’m more like the one who stays at the motel calling my best friend.

_But your friends don’t know_

– So, no boyfriend? – He was surprised. – I’m really surprised.

– Don’t be. – She rolled her eyes. – I’m okay like this.

– Then why did you accept having dinner with me?

_Because you’re cute and I want to get laid._

_Because I want to forget Dean Winchester._

_Because I hate Dean Winchester._

_Because I love Dean Winchester._

_Because of Dean Winchester._

_I got these feelings but you never mind that shit_

– Because you’re kinda cute and really adorable. – She looked away, pretending to be a bit shy. - What about you? Any girlfriends?

– Not really. I’m waiting for the right girl.

She nodded and they stood in silence for some minutes until they finished, and he followed her to the motel again.

– So, I’ll pick you up at 8? – He suggested.

– Yeah, that’s fine. – She smiled. – See ya.

He smiled and waved his hand, waiting for her to go inside in order to leave.

She didn’t even have time to take her shoes off before facing the two brothers.

– So. – Sam arched her an eyebrow. – How was it?

– How was what? – She rolled her eyes. – Can’t I have some fun? Dean and you have fun all the time.

She said quickly in order to justify her actions.

– Don’t attack me. – He defended himself. – Just asking you a question. It is just a question.

She blushed, opening her bag and looking for a dress;

– What are you looking for? – Dean sat on her bed.

Y/N rolled her eyes.

– Clothes? – She looked at him. – Cause as you know, that is what I have in this bag.

He snorted and Y/N frowned. The restaurant was small, but seemed quite fancy compared to where they usually went.

Should she wear a skirt?

She could barely remember how to dress for a date, her life was all about hunting. She practically never wore dresses or skirts or anything more than a tank top, jeans, combat boots, and a jacket. Anything else was too much clothing and would be on her way while running or defending herself.

Goddammit, she had grown up surrounded by men!

**She needed help.**

Jo wasn’t there.

She wasn’t asking for Dean’s help, that was for sure.

– Sam. – She finally called. – Can you help me chose how to dress for the date?

(...)

– You sure? – [Y/N](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.locale=pt-br&id=206261755) looked at Sammy. – I mean... Isn’t it too...

She didn’t know what to say.

She had three dresses and two skirts she used while dressing up as an agent with the boys. She had this dress was a year old, but never worn.

– Well, I’m not sure. – Sam put his hands in his pockets. – But you look really, really good. Right, Dean?

Dean raised his face and made a weird sound.

_If you wanted me you would just say so_

She didn’t even consider his opinion, grabbing her purse and checking if everything was there.

_Condoms, underwear, her gun, the phone, Money, credit card, car and motel keys..._

She was even wearing the make up Jo had given to her.

– You’re beautiful. – Sam smiled to her. – He won’t be able to take his off of you.

 _“Or his dirty hands”_ Dean complained to himself.

At 8 o’clock, James knocked on the door and Y/N took a deep breath.

– Bye guys.

And she left.

When the door closer, Dean stood up and ran his hands on his hair.

– You’re jealous... – Sam said in a singsong voice.

– Wait, what? Me? – He looked at his brother. – Jealous... Why would I be fucking jealous? She’s just out with a jerk from town, why would I be jealous?

The tall brother just rolled his eyes. 

– Dean, I know it, you know it and even **dad** knows it. You’re in love with her, but you’re too stupid to say anything, and after Cassie... Dude, she’ll never believe you now.

In response, Dean stood up and grabbed his coat.

_And if I were you, I would never let me go_

– Where are you going? – Sam frowned. – Dean? Dean!

But his brother had already left.

Not that far from there, Y/N watched as James drove around the city streets, trying to remember the path he had taken.

– How long are you planning to stay? – He asked.

– I have no idea. The boys decided to come here, so they’ll decide when we leave. They’re trying to surprise me, so... Yeah. – She laughed.

– You always know when someone wants to surprise you? – James looked at her with the corner of his eye.

– Most of the time. – She smirked.

– I’ll remember that.

Y/N just smiled as he stopped the car in front of the restaurant. James got out to open the door for her and give his keys to a valet.

– May I? – He offered her his arm, which she accepted.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq


	13. Chapter 12 – Say you want me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language
> 
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 12 – Say you want me**

 

Y/N hasn’t gone on a date like that one since... Well, she’s never had a date like that one. Ever.

James was lovely and caring, he helped her forget about the hunting life for a while. She just this once, was a regular girl having dinner with a guy without the danger of getting attacked by a monster or anything else. 

– Why did you decide to own a drugstore? – She asked, taking a sip of the expensive wine.

It felt good to drink something that wasn’t cheap beer.

– Oportunity. Why did you decide to sell books?

– Family business. – She smirked.

 _Oh, boy, if_ _only you knew..._

– So your parents work with books too?

– Kinda.

– Interesting. – James commented.

She smiled and his expression abruptly changed.

– Do you plan to live this way forever? Find a husband then keep moving, and raise your kids travelling around? – James asked Y/N.

– Well, I don’t plan to have kids. – Y/N said with certainty in her voice.

James’ eyes got wide.

– You’re kidding me, right? You can’t be serious, kids are awesome.

She frowned.

– They can be awesome, but what does that have to do with the fact that I don’t want to be a mother?

She once thought about being a mother, but discarded it long ago. With her lifestyle, kids weren’t seen as a smart choice, and even if she wanted them, the werewolf attack had damaged her insides, so she will never be able to bare a child even if she ever wanted to.

– Every woman wants to be a mother. – He rolled his eyes.

– I don’t. – Y/N said confidently.

– Well, you must be insane, then. – He frowned. – I mean, if I was your boyfriend or husband, I’d never be okay with this. That’s probably the reason why you’re single. – James concluded.

_Yeah, it was too good to be true._

– Excuse me?

Who the hell did he think he was to butt into something so personal?

– Well, that’s the only thing I can see wrong here. You’re not letting anyone plan a future with you. No man wants a woman that hate kids. – James went on.

What? She didn’t hate kids. She just didn’t **want** kids.

– You know what? I’m not hungry anymore. – She grabbed her purse, opening it and putting fifty dollars on the table after standing up. – Have a good night.

James’ eyes were wide while she left, but he didn’t move a muscle.

– Crazy feminist bitch.

_Say you love me_

Y/N tried to walk outside without losing her elegance, but it was pretty hard. She wasn’t used to wearing these type of shoes, and she was pretty sure she already had blisters forming on the backs of her heels and toes.

– Stupid fucking chauvinistic asshole. – She murmured. – Now I gotta walk back all alone to the bloody motel. Great birthday I’m gonna have.

It took her less than two seconds to realize the Impala was right behind her.

– Get in the car. – Dean simply said.

She ignored him.

She didn’t want to fight, and the look he had on his face indicated he wasn’t happy.

 _“I knew it.”_  He thought to himself.

He knew the date would turn out to be shitty.

– Y/N, get in the car. – He insisted.

But the only thing she did was walk faster.

In response, Dean stopped in the middle of the street and left the vehicle running, going after her. Usually, Y/N was a good runner, but the heels wouldn’t let her at all.

_To my face_

– Can you please stop being so stubborn? – Dean rolled his eyes.

Again she ignored him.

Well, he had no other choice.

Ignoring the looks he received from people, he grabbed her waist, picked her up and put the hard headed woman on his broad shoulder.

– Dean! Put me down!

– No. – He rolled his eyes.

She squirmed, but her effort was useless. Dean opened the passenger door and plopped her down on the bench. He threw Baby’s door shut and made his way to the driver side. The only thing Y/N could do was pout while Dean closed his door and put the car in drive.

– If you do even think to get out of this car I’ll throw you over my shoulder and walk to the motel. – Dean threatened her. Anger and promise laced in between his words.

She could only look away from him like a child while he drove. Y/N not noticing Dean was texting Sam. There was no way he would let her go out with another idiot. She was his, and only his.

They arrived at the motel in silence. He even opened the door for her, like a gentleman.

_I need it more_

– Get inside, we need to talk.

Surprising him, she obeyed.

The motel room was empty when they came in. Sam had gone into the other room minutes before they arrived. When the older Winchester turned around to start talking she interrupted him.

– I’m fucking tired of you sticking your nose in my love life. – She accused. – You’ve fucked more chicks in the past year than the amount of clothing I bought. Ever since we were teenagers it’s been the same fucking thing, _you_ can mess around, but _I_ can’t even look at another man.

His mouth fell open. She has never told him she felt so bad about it.

– I am a 23 year-old woman and the last fucking time I got laid was before my surgery.

_Than your embrace_

– So you wanted to have sex with that asshole? – Dean asked flabbergasted by her statement.

– I’d have a better chance to get fucked if you could mind your own business and stop stopping me from having fun!

Dean frowned.

– That’s your idea of fun? Getting fucked by an asshole from a bar that can’t even give you more than three seconds of pleasure after having his way with you?

As he talked, he walked towards her.

– Cause I can see it in your eyes, Y/N, no one has ever fucked you properly. I can see that no man has even tasted your sweet pussy for more than a few seconds, and has _never_ made you come so hard that you screamed.

Y/N blushed.

He was right, more than right.

_Just say you want me_

Was she dreaming? She was probably dreaming.

A delicious dream.

She tried to remember the moment she had fallen asleep. Probably in the Impala. Dean had most likely asked Sam to carry her to bed.

But dream Dean wasn’t even close to being done with her.

– Tell me, has any one of your one night stands ever eaten you out? – He pressed her against the the wall.

She jumped when his hand landed between her legs, feeling the heat there and caressing her over her underwear, making her sigh.

– Christ, you’re so hot. – He looked down on her. – I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember.

Her eyes widened.

What?

_That's all it takes_

– Okay. I really need to wake up now. – She decided, moving her hand and pinching the skin of her arm for a second before Dean stopped her.

– What the hell are you doing?

She frowned.

– Waking myself up. Look, I’m sorry dream Dean, but even if I love having these types of dreams, I don’t want to blush every single time I look at the real you for the next couple of days.

He was surprised.

– You...dream about this?

She just faced him in silence for a second and pinched herself again.

She was awake, fully awake.

– Since we were teens. – Y/N finally whispered.

_Heart's getting thorn_

Not thinking, Dean just leaned down and kissed her.

Her lips were even more sweet than he had dreamed of. His lips tasted even better than she had ever imagined: Her favourite beer and toothpaste, mixed with his own scent.  His musky smell felt dreamy, and her skin was soft under his hand.

– I’ve dreamed about you so many times. – He grabbed her waist, pressing her against his body. – I just want... I need... Fuck.

Their kiss became even deeper and when they pulled away for air they looked at each other, both hunters were flushed.

– Say it, Y/N. – He whispered. – Tell me you want me, cause I want you so fucking much.

Both their hearts were beating equally as fast, and she could feel his throbbing erection pressing in to her stomach.

– I do. – She finally said. – I do, please Dean, please.

_From your mistakes_

That was all he needed to hear.


	14. Chapter 13 – Just say you love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language; Unprotected sex [always wear condoms, kids]; Love <3 
> 
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Warnings:** Language; Unprotected sex [always wear condoms, kids]; Love

 

 

**Chapter 13 – Just say you love me.**

 

_'Cause I don't wanna fall in love_

Dean’s thumb landed on Y/N’s shiny red lower lip.

She **wanted** him. She truly did.

– Damn. – He whispered.

He didn’t know what to do, much less where to start.

Slowly, he lowered his lips back down and kissed her. This time, more calmly and less aggressive. He wanted to enjoy this moment, but most importantly, he needed her to enjoy it too.

_Damn it, he loved her._

He grabbed her waist and, with fluid like motion, he sat her on the closest bed in the room, slowly kneeling in front of her and using the pads of his fingers to run the way down to her thighs, skimming past her legs, her calves and – finally – her feet, moving his body so she could watch him.

_If you don't wanna try_

– As much as I loved you in these shoes, I don’t think we need them right now.

Y/N moaned loudly in relief when her right foot was freed from the confines of the high heel, and Dean had to hold on to the bed in order to stay calm. Finally, when her left foot was bare, his hand landed on her skin, seeing how red it was.

– Do your feet hurt? – He asked softly.

She just nodded, not sure she would have enough volume to say anything out loud. In response he started a slowly massage her feet, which made her moan and blush all over again.

– Lay down. – He commanded.

She couldn’t help but comply.

Somehow, he had such great power over her.

Dean’s calloused hands were slow and soft on her feet, massaging like a professional as he was determined on making the ache pain go away. His touches slowly moved up, massaging her calves and depositing a kiss on the back of her knee, making her shiver.

_But all that I've been thinking of_

– Dean. – She sighed.

– Let me take care of you. – He whispered, moving his fingers and lips up to her thighs and looking up at her. Even her scent was intoxicating.

He traveled higher up to kissed her lips while taking off his buttoned up shirt, moving away only briefly to pull over his t-shirt over his head. As soon as his tanned shoulders were bare she needed to put her hands on that beautiful curve that led to his bicep, before he could lean back to her.

– What’s wrong?  – He worried.

– I should take off my dress. – Y/N whispered.

_Is maybe that you're mine_

He nodded and she stood up, blushing. She had never felt this exposed in all her life, suddenly remembering her scars. Would Dean care? What if he thought of them as ugly or disgusting?

What if he thought she wasn’t beautiful enough and decided to get back to _Cassie_ or find some other girl somewhere else?

Trying not to look put off she took off the dress, revealing the fancy lingerie she had chosen to use for the night causing a sudden in take of air from Dean.

His eyes travelled all the way from her feet to her blushed face. His heart skipping a beat.

– You’re gorgeous. – He spoke sincerely.

_Baby it looks as though  
We're running out of words to say_

Y/N bit her lower lip as he rushed to take off his jeans, walking in her direction and pulling her body flush against his once again.

– God... – He whispered when she kissed his neck. – I’m so glad that that James was a jerk.

She laughed as he pulled her closer, walking back to the bed and laying her down. They kissed for a couple more seconds until his lips quickly made their way to her jaw and neck, kissing and nibbling all the while breathing in her natural scent.

She smelt so good.

– I’ve been thinking of having you for as long as I can remember. – He whispered, using his right hand to caress the skin of her stomach. – I’ve dreamt about kissing you, biting you, licking you, fucking you... My biggest dream has always been seeing you come undone in front of me... **Because** of me.  

As he talked, he lowered his lips slowly, kissing her sensitive collarbone and descending towards her lavishing cleavage.

– I could never stand seeing you with other guys, much less think about them touching you. It always made me so mad, **so mad** that I always promised myself I would take you one day and give you a night you’d never forget. – He smiled, sliding his fingers under her bra and touching her nipples lightly. – And here I am.

She smiled, not knowing what to say.

Well, she hasn’t really had to say anything. He could see it in her eyes that she felt the same way.

_And love's floating away_

Her bra came off easily and he took a moment to admire her, which made her blush again.

_“Jeez, he makes me feel like I’m a freaking virgin,”_

Dean leaned down and took her nipple between his lips, causing an elicit moan to erupt from   Y/N in surprise and a shiver run her spine. His lips were calm and soft over her sensitive skin, taking the time to tease her until her nipple became hard in his lips, using his teeth and tongue as well. Her other breast received the same treatment while his mouth took care of one, his hand caressing the other smoothly.

– Dean. – She whispered, closing her eyes as he moved his tongue to the middle of her chest, tracing all the way back up to her neck, chin and finally her lips.

_Just say you love me,  
Just for today_

His heart melted as soon he heard his name leaving her beautiful lips again, causing his erection to throb against her.

– Please. – She ran her nails down his back and to the top of his butt cheek, causing him to moan against her lips.

– I’m not done with you yet, sweetheart. I’m going to make you feel really good. – He promised.

He wanted to make her addicted to his lips and touches, wanted her heart to race every time he looked at her. He wanted her to love him.

Y/N could barely breathe. Just the way he looked at her was enough to make the wetness pour between her legs, and his touches only increased her arousal. Her head was spinning with everything he had said, his husky voice and smell intoxicating her thoroughly.

She jumped when his lips touched the center of her chest again, going down towards her stomach and kissing the top of her thickest scar.

– I love your scars. – He whispered. – You look so fucking dangerous and sexy.

_And don't give me time.  
'Cause that's not the same_

He knew that she felt insecure about that particular scar and wanted her to know she was beautiful inside and out.

She sighed as he moved lower down, skipping the pulsing vein in between her legs and nibbling on her thighs.

– Dean, please. – She squirmed.

– Please what, Y/N?

The way he said her name caused her body squirm again, his voice washed over her like flames were licking every inch of her skin.

– Can I fuck with my tongue? Can I suck on your pretty clit? – He whispered.

_Want to feel burning flames  
when you say my name_

She nodded quickly.

No one had ever done **that** to her before, but she couldn’t say no to Dean’s pleading puppy dog eyes.

He pulled her lingerie off slowly and when his fingers met her core, he found she was completely soaked.

– You’re dripping wet, babe. – He moaned, positioning his head in the middle of her legs, touching her pussy lips with the tip of his tongue, teasing them open and testing her reactions before actually tasting her. – Fuck, taste better than I could ever imagine.

Y/N moaned in a whisper and in response, Dean pulled her legs over his shoulder, licking and tasting her more deeply. Her hands grabbed on to his hair, pressing him closer and he smiled, teasing her engorged clit with this tongue while caressing her wet channel with his fingers.

_Want to feel passion flow into my bones_

She was tight around his index and middle finger, and moaned as he worked on her pleasures capacity.

She had never felt this way before, not to mention she was already on the edge when he started sucking on her clit.

– Dean. – She tried to push him away. – Stop, please. I’m gonna...Dean. – Y/N pleaded.

– It’s okay, babe. – He used his thumb to keep stimulating her as he looked up to see her face. – Come. – Dean beckoned. – Come for me. Let go.

She shut her eyes, pressing her head back on the pillow and let out a long explicit moan leave her lips when her climax over consumed her. Dean kept licking her until she came back down, and he slowly stopped, looking up at her with a smile gracing his red beautifully full swollen lips.

– You’re beautiful. – He whispered. – So fucking beautiful.

She pulled him up, kissing him and feeling her own taste on his lips.

– I need you. – She whispered, trying to pull his underwear off. – Please, Dean, I need you.

_Like blood through my veins_

He couldn’t resist her, and finally took off his last piece of clothing.

– Come here. – He whispered, laying on top of her and kissing her again. – Do you want me to use a co…?

– Do you need to? – She blushed. – I mean, are you...

– Clean? Yes. But you...

– I can’t have kids. – She quickly said. – And I’m clean.

– Okay.

He leaned down to kiss once more, using his hand to drive his erection inside her, moaning when her warm channel embraced him.

– Fuck, you feel perfect.

_Won't you stay?_

She couldn’t speak. For the first time, she felt like she was **home** ; his scent, his skin against hers, the way he held her in his arms, and the way he looked at her... She had never felt this way with anyone before.

– Look at me. – He whispered, his forehead resting against hers. – Look at me. Please.

Their eyes connected and he moved slowly inside her, enjoying the long awaited feeling.

– You’re so perfect. – He whispered. – I’ve been wanting you... God, fuck...

– It’s okay. – She brushed her lips against his. – I know.

Silence took place after that, the only thing that transpired were their moans that began softly and quickly transformed into louder and rougher accompanied the passion filled air.

_Slowly slowly you run for me  
But do you know me at all?_

Both their climaxes were approaching as Dean held her closer, kissing her roughly and moaning against her lips.

– I’m... Fu... Babe... – He moved his hand down to her clit, using his thumb to draw circles on it and pushing harder into her.

– Dean. – She squeezed his shoulders.

– Come for me sweetheart. – He opened his eyes, looking at her face. – Let me see your beautiful face as you come.

He could barely hold himself, feeling her walls squeezing him as she came again, moaning his name. Seconds later, he called her name as his own climax washed over him, filling her with his seed, both not even realising the tears falling from her eyes.

_Some one told me love controls everything  
But only if you know._

They laid in silence for a moment before he pulled out of her delicious heat, kissing her neck softly and holding her close and finally seeing the teardrops on her cheeks.

\- Dean. - She whispered.

He frowned, his own eyes a bit blurred as he looked her, 

\- Are those happy tears? 

She nodded, the trail falling from her eyes and now wetting the pillow.

– I love you. – He whispered, kissing the salty trail. – I love you, I love you...

– I love you too. – She whispered, and soon laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

He kissed the top of her head, holding her tighter to his body. She looked at the clock beside the bed. She only had a few hours before it was officially her birthday.

– I think this is going to be the best birthday I’ve ever had and will ever have. – She whispered.

_Won't you stay?_

In response, Dean laughed and gave her a peck. As the two hunters lay with their eyes wide open when they heard a knock on her door.

– Guys, are you done? – Sam’s voice called from outside. – I want to sleep.


	15. Chapter 14 – Happy Birthday, babe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long time without posting, guys. Here's the chapter.

**Chapter 14 – Happy Birthday, babe.**

 

The next morning, Y/N woke up alone in bed after blissfully falling asleep in Dean’s arms. She was dressed in his button down shirt, and a pair of his boxers. His scent was all around her, and it brought a smile to her face.

She pressed her face in to the pillow, grinning like a school girl for a few seconds before her stomach woke her up, letting her how hungry she was.

 _Well, after a night like_ that _it wasn’t exactly a surprise that she needed to restore her energy._

– Dean? – She called, not recieving an answer. – Sam?

Y/N looked around, noting that the room was empty. Looking at the clock, she realized that the previous night had tired her way more than she imagined. It was already 2pm.

Sleepily, she walked to the bathroom and reached for her toothbrush. She noticed a piece of paper on the corner of the mirror while she brushed her teeth.

“Follow the footprints.” She read in Dean’s handwriting.

The woman frowned. _Footprints?_

She brushed her hair quickly, proceeded to look for the “footprints” she opened the motel door. Outside in the corridor, she found them leading to another room.

Y/N rolled her eyes with a smirk. She **knew** it.

Grabbing her phone and the room keys, she followed the instructions and walked in the direction the prints led her, knocking on the door and waiting for an answer.

– Come in, but with your eyes closed. – Sam yelled from the other side of the door.

She laughed, but obeyed, Dean held her hand as soon as she stepped blindly inside.

– Don’t open your eyes until I tell you to. – He warned, guiding her to the center of the room before stepping away. – Ready?

She nodded.

– Okay. Open your eyes.

In front of her, Sam held a frosted pie (yes, a pie) with “Happy Birthday Y/N” written on the top in chocolate, and Dean held a bunch of balloons in different shapes in both of his hands.

– Guys. – She couldn’t help, but laugh. – Oh my goodness. Are you both serious?

They had also decorated the room to look like a legit birthday party, the couple’s size bed worked as a table, which was littered with all the treats and a some gifts scattered on it.

– Well, smelly, it is your birthday. – Dean wrapped his arm around her waist, giving her a peck. – And we want this to be the best birthday ever.

She smiled as they kissed and Sam looked away.

– I looked for your favourite pie flavour. – He whispered.

– Dean... – She blushed.

In response, he just joined their lips again.

– C’mon,  you gotta blow your candles. – He said, pulling away and tugging her forward.

Y/N rolled her eyes and walked towards Sam, getting her cheeks ready to puff out before he moved away from her reach.

– What? – She frowned at him.

– We gotta sing you happy birthday. – He rolled his eyes. – Right, Dean?

– Of course. – The older Winchester nodded. – Come on.

Dean started singing and the three followed him. When they finished singing; Sammy finally let her blow out the candles, conjuring up her rightful birthday wish. For a second, it felt like the first birthday she had ever spent with the Winchester’s and her father.

Her dad was still alive, and if she closed her eyes she could see him drink beer with John Winchester while she and Sam played some silly kids game. He would be smiling at her and telling his friend that he was sure they would be friends for years to come.

– What was your wish? – The younger Winchester’s voice pulled her out of her memories.

Y/N rolled her eyes.

– If I tell you it won’t come true, silly. – She affirmed. – Now, can I eat my pie?

– Yes, ma’am. – Sam sassed.

Without any more waiting, she cut the pie and put it on her plate. It was one of the many things Y/N had in common with Dean: the passion for pie.

Speaking of him, she almost didn’t see him reaching out to take a bite of the piece on her plate, but moved it away just in time.

– No freaking way, Winchester. This is **my** slice.

He laughed.

– Well, alright then. – He moved away.  

It was a peacefull moment, a rarity. No monsters nor hunts, just like a vacation with the family. She couldn’t remember the last time they did that.

_Did John remember it was her birthday?_

Seconds after she thought about it, her phone buzzed with a text, which made them all jump in alarm.

The boys watched in silence, imagining what it could be, and she smiled when her eyes fell on the message from John.

“Happy Birthday, dear. ”

She smiled and Dean raised his eyebrow.

– Who is it?

Sam giggled at his brother’s voice tone.

– John.

– John my dad or... – He insisted.

The taller Winchester couldn’t help but laugh out louder, and Y/N smirked at the jealous man.

– Jealous much?

– Hell yeah. – He stood up from where he was and held her by her waist. – You’re **my** girl.

She didn’t have the time to answer, before she felt his lips on hers and smiling while she held onto his shoulders. He squeezed her a bit harder, wanting to drown in her natural aroma.

_Remember those walls I built?_

– I’m your girl? – She asked when they parted, searching for air.

– Well, the fact that you’re wearing my shirt means that you’re mine. – He whispered with a smirk. – And it’s extremely sexy.

She blushed, making him laugh.

– And you get even sexier when you blush. – He complimented her.

Y/N blushed even more, and scratched Dean’s neck slightly with her fingernails. Which made him moan in whisper and Sam cleared his throat.

– Guys, I’m still here in case you forgot.

She blushed and moved away, but his brother just laughed.

_Well, baby, they're tumbling down_

He was so fucking, deeply and undeniably in love with her. So much that he didn’t even mind having a chick flick moment.

– Now, time for gifts. – The taller Winchester stood up. – Mine first.

She laughed as he gave her the box of chocolates. – Your favourite.

– Thanks, Sammy. – She smiled.

They hugged and Dean cleared his throat as he approached her.

– Well, you see all those gifts? – He pointed to the coloured boxes on the bed, a bit ashamed. – Empty boxes, just to impress you. Sorry.

Y/N rolled her eyes with a smile.

Well, she actually expected that.

– You already gave me a gift. – She landed her hands on his chest. – It’s okay.

He reached into his pocket, not disconnecting his green eyes from hers.

_And they didn't even put up a fight_

– I got us tickets for An American Haunting tonight, and I’ll take for dinner at McDonalds. Nothing fancy, but we’ll order the best thing on the menu. What do you think?

– I think it’s a great. – She smiled. – As long as I can wear my boots.

– There’s nothing better than a good pair of boots, babe. – He gave her a wink. – Now, lets eat the rest of this pie before I die.

– Agreed. – The other two said together.

(...)

– That was horrible. – [Y/N](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.locale=pt-br&id=207864896) rolled her eyes as they walked outside the movie theatre, taking off [her jacket](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.locale=pt-br&id=207864896) before Dean grabbed her hand.

_They didn't even make up a sound_

– That movie is far too inaccurate. – He rolled his eyes. – I mean, seriously?!

– I know, right? – She agreed, blushing a bit. – But it was good to spend time with you.

He smiled as they walked inside the Paradise Valley Mall. As they waited for their food, Dean looked around for a moment before kissing her.

– PDA? – She raised her eyebrow at him. – I like it.

He laughed before going back to her lips. He’d been waiting to do it for as long as he could remember, and couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Also, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking how beautiful she was, especially right now. She looked good the previous day in that dress, with the high heels and the make-up, but it wasn’t her. Right now, in jeans and a simple top with her face clean, she was glowing.

_I found a way to let you in_

The previous night clothes were a great costume, but he liked her better like this: The badass hunter he knew she was.

Y/N watched as Dean ate for a few seconds, taking a sip of her milkshake, before joining him. They talked about the movie and stupid stuff while enjoying their meals, and even when they were engulfed in silence it was good.

There was no pressure like other first dates. They already knew each other like the back of their hands and there was no need to impress one another. When the two finished eating, he brought his arm around her shoulders and started kissing her again, like a normal couple.

– You think Sam’ll get jealous? – He asked, rubbing his lips on her neck.

When they had left the motel, Sam played the “father” role, asking about Dean’s intentions and saying she should be back by 11pm, or he would knock at his door with a gun in hand.

– Don’t be silly. – She rolled her eyes. – He has no reason to be jealous.

– You’re his sister. – He looked down at her. – You get that I’m literally fucking his sister, right? No guy likes the dude that is sleeping with his sister.

She just rolled her eyes and kissed him again.

– Babe. – He whispered, putting his hand under her top and caressing her waist with his fingertips.

_But I never really had a doubt_

Y/N sighed, feeling his lips on her earlobe.

– Huh?

– Do you want to come back to the motel? – He looked in her eyes, melting all her resistance.

She blushed.

– Sure.

He smiled, holding her hand and guiding her out to the car. During the drive, they just sat in silence, enjoying the music and each other’s company. When she started walking towards the room they shared with Sammy, he held her wrist.

– I think we can use the _other_ room – He suggested. – and let Sam sleep in peace. I think I’m hungry for _something_ _else_ now.

_Standing in the light of your halo_

She didn’t protest, just followed him. When they reached the room, Dean didn’t wait to press her against the closed door and start undressing her.

– I can’t keep my hands off of you. – He whispered.

– Good. – Y/N started taking off her pants. – I thought I was the only one.

Dean smirked, but just for a few seconds. For the rest of the night, they enjoyed each other, cuddling in the motel mattress with her hair spread out on his chest.

– Babe.  – He whispered. – Happy birthday.

She said something he couldn’t understand, but he smiled anyway.

(...)

_I got my angel now_

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean’s “we’re sleeping” after he knocked on the door.

– Hate to tell you that, _prince charming_ , but honeymoon is over.

Y/N took a deep breath before standing up and pulling the older Winchester with her.

– Come on, Romeo. Duty calls.

He held her bare waist, not caring about the morning breath as he kissed her.

– Good morning. – He yawned.

– I can hear you making out. – Sam warned. – I’ll go grab my stuff and I want you both dressed by the time I come back.

– Yes, Mom. – Y/N and Dean said simultaneously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I looked for movies that would be in the Theatres in May 2006.


	16. Chapter 15 – Jealous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dry humping; language; oral sex; Sam hardly gets any sleep; Dean doesn’t know Jo is a girl.

**Chapter 15 – Jealous?**

 

– Well, you gotta pay me back.  – Jo warned her on the phone.

Just like any other night, Y/N was talking to Jo on the phone, with Dean soundly asleep next to her. She kept her voice down in an attempt to not wake him up. She had decided that it was time to tell her, with as much detail as she could remember, about how she was Dean’s girlfriend now. Although the blonde hunter was happy, she didn’t like the idea of cancelling their vacation plans.

– Babe? – Dean mumbled, pulling her closer to him by her hip. – Bedtime.

She was sitting on the bed, and gave him a little smile.

– I know. – She used her free hand to caress his hair the way she knew he liked. – Sleep, I’ll be with you soon.

He said something she did quite get, her touch apparently sending him back to sleep.

– I promise I’ll make up to you, okay? – She said to her best friend. – It’s just that... I’ve been wanting this for so long...

– And you just want to bang him to death. – She completed.

– Pretty much. – Y/N confessed.

The Harvelle sighed.

– Okay. But we’ll still meet up for my birthday.

– Of course we will Jo! – She rolled her eyes. – I gotta go. Need to get some sleep before we head to the next case.

– Good luck. Call me.

She ended the call and plugged it in to charger, and finally laying beside Dean, who quickly embraced her.

– Jo again? – He asked sleepily.

Dean didn’t know Jo, .but he wasn't happy with the idea of his girl chatting with a dude in the middle of the night almost every day.

– Yeah. – She kissed his cheek, getting comfortable on the bed.

– Just like every other night. – He noticed.

– Jealous? – She looked up at him.

– Should I be? – He opened his eyes completely. – I mean, this “Jo” has been your best friend ever since you were little...

– And you are my boyfriend. – She held his chin, giving him a small peck.

– Yeah? – He grabbed her waist.

Y/N rolled over him, sitting on his hips.

– Yeah. – She leaned down to kiss full lips. – There’s no need to be jealous of Jo. You’re the one that can do whatever you want with me.

Dean seemed intrigued, grabbing her sides and raising his eyebrows.

– Whatever I want? – He raised an eyebrow in question. - And what if I want to do this? – He used his grip to move her body, rubbing her against his clothed shaft in a slow motion.

She felt her blood rush to her cheeks and below her waist, a sudden shiver ran down her back and he smiled.

– I can’t keep my hands off you, babe. – He bit his low lip, thrusting his hardening erection against her a bit harder. – You’re just so beautiful, so strong... So **mine**. – He finished with a groan.

She leaned down to kiss him and Dean used his hand to slide under her big T-shirt she stole from him to sleep and teased her nipple with his thumb.

– Dean... – She whispered, looking at Sam, who was soundly asleep on the bed adjacent to theirs. – Sam’s here.

– Wish I could take you right now. – He looked over her, feeling his erection pressing into her through his flannel pants. – I’d love to see you bouncing on my lap... Stupid motel without rooms...

She chuckled and laid back down, kissing his cheek. He took only a couple minutes to move his hand to the center of her legs.

– Dean. – She jumped in surprise. – Sam is right there!

– Well, you gotta keep quiet then. – He said like it was so obvious. – I mean; I don’t think you’d want to wake my brother up.

She was getting ready to say something, but his lips on hers interrupted her speech. His lips skimmed their way to her neck, kissing and licking her skin the way he knew she liked. Raising his hand to the center of her thighs teasing her covered lips over her cotton panties.

– I know you want me to touch you, babe. – He whispered. – You’re really hot. Are you wet at the thought of us doing something with Sam only a few feet away from us?

She blushed, completely aware of the tall guy’s presence.

– Don’t focus on him, babe. – He whispered. – Just close your eyes.

He pulled her leg over his hip and thrusted his hips against hers, bringing pleasure to both of them.

– I’ll take you as soon as we’re alone. – He promised. – I’ll make you come around me, feel your beautiful nipples erect on my lips, your pretty clit throbbing on my fingers... And then on my mouth, I love how you taste on my tongue.

She blushed and bit down a moan, feeling her orgasm getting closer after all the talking and teasing.

– Do you like when I go down on you, babe? – He nipped her earlobe, his voice husky on her ear. – When you feel my lips sucking on your clit, or my tongue deep in your wet heat...

She pressed her face in to his chest, trying to hide the sound of her moans.  

– Dean. – She cried. – Please.

He rubbed her with more intensity, holding back his release before he could bring her to finish.

– Gonna come for me, Y/N? – He ran his hand under her shirt, twisting her nipple with his thumb and pointer finger. – Gonna cum with me dry humping you like a friggin’ teenager?

She laughed lightly on his chest, the sound being interrupted by a moan she had no success in hiding.

– Come on, babe, come for me. Come...

She gripped his shoulders, pressing herself harder against him.

– Dean. – She whined.

– Come on, babe, cum.

She moaned louder when her climax came, digging her nails on his shoulders and causing him to moan.

Dean kissed her lips with love as she made her way down his waist. He was breathing hard as she lifted her eyes to look at him.

– Did you finished? – She used her hand to cup his erection.

– No... – He breathed out. – But, it’s okay. – He covered her hand with his.

His eyes became wider when she leaned down and kissed his navel, going down to his erection, freeing him from the pajama pants and taking him in her mouth.

Dean hadn’t asked her to do that yet. He was afraid it was too early. Actually, he was _always_ afraid it was too early with Y/N, but she always managed to surprised him.

– Damn, babe. – He grabbed her hair, feeling her tongue running over his vein. – That feels so good...

She smiled when she felt his hand grip her hair tighter.

– Yeah, that’s it... Fuck, babe, I’m gonna... Y/N. – He closed his eyes hard, feeling his orgasm run down his body and filling up her mouth.

Y/N kept sucking him, freeing his erection from her mouth with a “pop” and licking him slowly while he came down from his climax.

Dean quickly pulled her up, kissing her lips and caressing her cheek.

– I don’t deserve a girl like you. – He whispered. – You’re too good...

She smiled, kissing his chin.

– Well, I don’t think I deserve you either. – She smiled. – Then, I think, we both need to improve. – Y/N said raising her eyebrow.

He smiled, running his hands through her hair.

– Yeah, I agree.

They cuddled and Y/N blushed tenfold when Sam raised his voice.

– I am never _ever_ going to share a room with you guys again. – The younger Winchester announced. – **Ever**.


	17. Chapter 16 – Max

**Chapter 16 – Max**

 

Less than two hours later, Sam had jump from the bed and tell them – without any explanation – where to go. Y/N didn’t understand and he didn’t really try to explain it to her. Still, she entered the car and followed the black Impala on the dark road.

– Where are we going? – She yawned on the phone to Dean. – Damn, Dean, you woke me up like it was an emergency.

– I know, babe, I’m sorry. – He sighed. – Look. As soon as we see if this is serious, we can find a motel and Sam will explain everything to you. Right, Sammy?

She didn’t hear him answer, but turned off the phone anyway. It was pretty obvious something was wrong with Sammy. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and didn’t want to talk her about what was happening.

When they reached the place, things were a mess. A lot of policemen, and people around, but one thing was sure.

Sam was apparently right.

She left the car and quickly walked with Sam and Dean closer to the people who were watching the police work.

– What happened? – She asked, stopping beside a lady on her 50’s.

– Suicide. Can’t believe it...

They asked more questions and, apparently the man had locked his car and waited for death inside the garage, but didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would take his own life.

When Sam walked away, she and Dean followed him.

– We came as fast as we could. – Dean said.

– Not fast enough. – Sam sighed.

Y/N looked at him and frowned.

– Why are we here, Sam?

The two Winchesters exchanged a look and the taller one sighed.

– I saw something. **Him**.

She watched him carefully.

– You **saw** him?

He took a deep breath.

– I had a dream... I’ve been having these dreams. Well, they’re more like... premonitions.

She frowned.

– Premonitions... And _when_ were you planning to tell me?

Sam blushed.

– I’m sorry, Y/N, I just...

She turned to look at Dean.

– Dean?

Her boyfriend raised his hands showing her his palms.

– Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t believe him until now.

They kept silence for a few seconds and she sighed.

– Now what? The guy killed himself, there’s nothing supernatural here.

– I saw it happen. – Sam corrected her. – Something locked him inside that garage... I don’t know what, but something did.

They went to a motel and the next morning (or was that an afternoon?) she woke up with Dean tickling her feet, which made her jump in a laugh.

– I need your help, babe. – He blushed.

– Oh my goodness. – She exclaimed. – No, you didn’t.

He was dressed as a priest.

A **priest**.

– Yes. I do. I need your help with the collar.

She was flabbergasted, but helped him anyway. A priest? Really?

Of any role in the world they could choose, they honestly chose to be priests.

– We’re going to hell. – Sam decided, leaving the bathroom of the room she was sharing with Dean, dressed the same way as his brother.

– Yep. – She looked at her boyfriend from head to toe. – Forgive me, father, cause I’m a sinner.

He looked smoking hot dressed like that.

– Why are you wearing this? – She asked, running her hands on his covered shoulders. – I mean...don’t get me wrong, you look hot, but I don’t think this is exactly the best approach.

– We’re gonna talk to the family. – He explained. – And this is the best suit... You know.

– Do I need any…?

He shook his head, interrupting her.

– No. We’re the priests. You can sit this one out.

– Oh, thank you very much. – She nodded. She really didn’t want to go _that_ down.

– But if you do walk around town with us, you’re Dean’s sister. – Sam warned her. – So wear something... Well, something that fits with our costumes.

She bit her lip.

– I think I’ll stay in the motel for a while.

They came back after a couple of hours, and she had cleaned all the guns and searched for things that could have attacked a house.

– So, did you find anything there? – She asked when Dean sat by her side.

– Nope.

– Did they mention anything weird...

– Nope. I used the emf reader and got nothing. The place is clean.

Sam started talking, but she didn’t pay attention, noticing how he seemed to struggle with a headache.

– Sam? – She frowned, kneeling in front of him. His eyes were shut tight and his hands were on his forehead. – Are you okay?

– My head. – He moaned.

– What’s wrong? – She cupped his cheek.  Say something, Sam...

His eyes focused on her, but he stood up in silence for a long moment.

– The brother!

– What?

– Dean, come on. – He stood up. – Let’s go.

She frowned as the two of them grabbed their jackets.

– What about me, guys?

They didn’t answer and she could only roll her eyes.

– Be careful! – She yelled, not sure they even heard her.

She tried to keep researching, but she was too wound up to sit down. She knew that Sam was having nightmares, and those alone already worried her, but visions? And the headache.

She needed to find out what was it.

Y/N ran to her phone and looked outside the window to be sure that the boys were already gone.

– Hey, Jo. – She said when her friend picked up. – Do you think aunt Ellen knows something about premonitions? Can I talk to her for a second?

(...)

The deaths kept coming. The next one would be the mother and this time Sam found out it was the boy.

– He’s connected to him. – Dean said over the phone. – Max. He’s the one killing the family.

– How did he do that? – She frowned. – I mean; I don’t get it.

– Seems like it’s telekinesis. – He muttered.

She nodded and sighed.

– How’s Sammy?

She saw Dean almost look at his brother before sighing.

– He feels like shit. Can you come to their house with us, babe? Armed, please. Just to be safe.

She didn’t take more than 10 minutes to park behind the black Impala, the house was all sealed up, and she was afraid of knocking or calling them. What if the boys were in danger? When Dean called her, she rushed in to climb to the second floor, struggling a little with a window and meet him with a woman in her 40’s whose was head bleeding.

– The mother? – She kneeled on the bed where she lay.

– Yeah. She got knocked around pretty hard.

Y/N grabbed a small flashlight and pointed to the woman’s eyes, seeing if there was any form of reaction.

– How are you feeling? – She asked. – Sick?

– A bit dizzy. – The blonde lady whispered.

– Follow my finger, please. – She instructed, and the woman obeyed.

When she stood up, Dean was frowning. When did she learn that?

– I think she’s fine, but we better get her to a doctor when this mess is over. Where’s Sam?

– Downstairs with the psycho.

Her mouth fell open. Was Dean that stupid? 

– Are you insane? – She whispered, wanting to scream. – You left him downstairs? With that... murderer?

She heard a noise downstairs and steps before Dean could answer, and he pushed her to hide inside the closet, looking at the lady and bringing his finger to his lips, telling her to keep quiet.

“ _Great_ ” she wanted to say.

When Dean was thrown at the wall, she couldn’t hide any more. With a loaded gun hiding in her pants and an empty one in her hand, just as Dean had instructed on the phone, she left the closet.

– Babe, no. – Dean shouted.

He hadn’t mention the boy had _his_ gun.

– Who is she? – He pointed at her, and suddenly the object left her hand.

Y/N breath deep.

_Dammit._

– She’s my girlfriend. – He showed his hands to Max. – Look, she has nothing to do with this mess. She just wants to help. Just don’t hurt her, okay?

By that time, she had already pulled Dean behind her own body.

– Max, no, please. – The woman sobbed and Dean pulled her behind him.

When the gun pointed to their direction, her heart beat quickened.

– Get out of the way. – “Max” looked at the couple.

– No.

Dean reached out, trying to push her out, but she didn’t give in.

– Babe, listen to him. – He whispered. – I don’t want you hurt.

– Well, I don’t want you hurt either. – She hissed. – If he’s gonna kill one of us, it’s not going to be you.

Were they really starting with that now? Their first fight, and it would be in front of a gun?

After that, everything happened so fast, Sam entered the room and tried to convince the boy to stop and accept their help. A second after, he killed himself.

– Fuck. – She whispered.

_Fuck,_

(...)

– You’re telling me he was like you? – Y/N stared at Sam.

They had already left the house and were at a restaurant.

– Yeah. The thing that killed mom killed his mother too and... His father went insane. I’m glad dad actually decided to hunt demons. Things could have gone pretty bad for the three of us. Me and Dean could have had Max’s childhood, and we would never meet Y/N.

He looked at her, who understood what he meant.

– I would be alone. – She completed his line.

– Well, I know what to do to Sam’s premonitions now. – Dean brought his arm round Y/N’s shoulder.

– What? – Y/N looked at him skeptically.

– We’re going to Vegas. – Dean simply said.

The two other hunters rolled their eyes.

– Fuck off.

 


	18. Chapter 17 – Okay? Okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big hug to my beta, L.   
> Enjoy.

**Chapter 17 – Okay? Okay.**

 

The following weeks passed by just fine. They consisted with more hunting with the boys, more sex with Dean, and no news on John.

Either way, things were actually pretty good.

Until the day they met Sam’s little friend; they were kidnapped by the girl, tied up, and Y/N almost watched Sam her doing **it**.

That was too much to handle in a day.

Oh, and they pushed her out the window! Well, **she** pushed her over the window.

But when they opened the door of the motel room, things got pretty weird.

– Kids, why are there two rooms here and a bed for a couple? – John asked like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He was there. He was **really** there.

Y/N had to pinch herself to be sure she wasn’t dreaming. She had dreamed about John once, a bit after she and Dean got together.

– Dad. – Dean exclaimed in a low voice.

– Hello, kids.

When they approached, the first thing he did was hug her. John held her so tight she almost felt her ribs breaking as he lifted her from the floor. It was like when she was a kid, half his size, and he would put her on his shoulders.

– I missed you so much. – She whispered.

– I know, smelly, I missed you too.

He hugged Dean too, but not Sam. He just greeted him.

Y/N could remember very well Sam telling her about the big fight they had the last time they were in the same room. Things were still a bit tense between the two.

They talked about the demon John was hunting, and how that girl “Meg” had something to do with him. The plan was kill the thing – not send the demon back to hell, but really **kill** him–, but the old man didn’t tell them how.

– Let us help you, then. – Sam decided.

He didn’t understand, but she did. It was John’s fight. Something he had been after for 20 years, and now that he was close; he couldn’t risk losing another family member to the demon.

– No. – He looked at his son. – I don’t want you in this mess. I don’t want you three to get hurt.

– You don’t have to worry about us. – Sam tried to protest.

John rolled his eyes and Dean held her by her waist when he noticed she was ready to burst into tears, pressing her closer to his side as she lay her head on his chest.

– Of course I do, I’m your father. – He reminded his younger son.

After **finally** hugging Sam, he turned to look at Y/N and Dean.

– So, you two are finally together?

– Yup, since my birthday. – She blushed.

She couldn’t help, but remember how John always seemed to support a relationship between them. Apparently, he always knew she had a crush on Dean and vice versa, even before _they_ did.

– The day before your birthday. – Dean corrected her, making her roll her eyes.

– You better take care of her, Dean. – John pointed. – And you better take care of him, Y/N.

He knew the two of them. He knew how Dean needed attention and love, and how Y/N needed to feel safe and welcomed.

She was always afraid of losing John and the boys. They were the only family she had left.

The two were just perfect for each other.

– Yes, sir. – The two whispered.

She wanted to tell him everything, like a child after their first day of school. About the monsters, the hunts, how she saved the boys asses...

But the family moment was interrupted when the four were by the shadows, and Y/N shrieked in pain when her forehead and nose met the hard surface of a table. After throwing a lighter, Sam guided her outside with his arm around her as Dean did the same to John.

When the young Winchester left her leaning against Jude, her boyfriend ran to see if she was okay.

– Are you alright? – He asked, worried. His hands moving around her face and body, checking her once and twice.

– Just a bit dizzy. – She frowned and moaned in pain as the blood dripped from her forehead and her nose. – Shit. This is going to be one hell of a headache tomorrow.

But that was not important now.

The way he looked in her eyes made her remember Meg’s words.

John would be too vulnerable with them. The four of them couldn’t be together, or they would die.

With a sad look on their faces, she and Dean walked towards John’s direction. Y/N leaning her whole body on him. Sam didn’t seem happy with the sudden realization of what they had to do.

– Dad... – He looked at him with pleading eyes.

– You’ve gotta let me go. – The old man sighed. – You know that, Sammy.

There was no goodbye. John just sat down in his brand new truck, and said “take care” driving off. Dean, quickly after John’s departure, handed the red car keys to Sam.

– You drive Jude. – He pointed. – Y/N, honey?

She moaned as an answer.

– Fuck, this hurts. – She moaned when she touched her nose.

– Let me see it. – Dean grabbed a flashlight, but she pushed him away.

– We gotta get out of this town first. – She slid into the Impala. – Come on.

An hour later, they had arrived in a motel a few cities away from Chicago, and Sam was pouting like a child as Dean came closer to her to analyze the damage.

The area around it was read and swollen. It seemed to be very bad even after he had cleaned the blood with a warm wash cloth.

– Dean. – She yelled at his touch on her face. – Fuck, it hurts.

– Sorry, babe. – He frowned. – I think it’s broken. Still feeling dizzy?

She shook her head.

– Great. Take a shower and grab your documents, we’re going to a hospital.

She sighed, but did it anyway. 15 minutes later, they were in the emergency room. Dean wouldn’t go to the hospital for a broken nose, but this was Y/N. He wouldn’t let anything hurt her. 

– Babe, this is just a fracture. There’s nothing to worry about. – She rolled her eyes.

– Let’s just be sure. – He insisted. – You may need a surgery, who knows?

She just rolled her eyes again and held his hand.

– How are you? – She whispered. – I mean, that was a lot...

He shook his head, caressing her hand with his thumb.

– I don’t know. – He sighed. – Sam’s really pissed you know?

– I know. – She guided his hand to her face and kissed his palm. – You can talk to me. – She reassured him.

– You’re dealing with this better than we are... – He noticed, caressing her cheek. – You okay?

– I already knew he would have to go alone. – She confessed in a whisper. – I mean... We can’t be together, not until he finishes killing that demon.

He didn’t have time to answer, as a doctor called her in.

After all, it was only a fracture. Her nose would go back to normal in two to three weeks, and she should ice it every once in a while. 

– See, – She leaned on Dean’s chest. – I’m okay.

– I just wanted to be sure. – He rolled his eyes. – Don’t want my girl hurt.

– I’m a hunter, Dean. – She rolled her eyes. – I’ll get hurt all the time.

He chuckled.

– Well, I still don’t want you hurt.

She just rolled her eyes again.

– Okay then, Dean. Okay.


	19. Chapter 18 – Will you marry me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Y/Eb/C = Your eyebrows color

**Chapter 18 – Will you marry me?**

 

_It's like I've been awakened_

– Do you remember that time we put Veet in Sam’s shampoo? – Y/N looked up at Dean.

– Of course I do. He was so pissed... – Dean laughed.

They were laying on a motel bed, naked, thinking back to their childhood. They had seen John for the last time a couple weeks ago and they were just doing what they always do; hunting and driving around.

And having sex.

Lots of sex.

– Do you think we’ll ever get tired of having sex? – She turned around, her elbows on the mattress and her arm resting on his chest to look up at him. – I mean, you think we’re gonna be like those couples that have tons of sex in the beginning of their relationship and then all this fire dies down?

He chuckled. The wrinkles on his eyes becoming more prominent.

– Oh, honey, Dean Winchester is an eternal flame. – He announced in a prideful, yet obvious tone. – And I’m pretty sure you are too, babe. I ain’t the one who wakes up in the middle of the night asking for sex.

 _Every rule I had you breaking_  
  


She rolled her eyes in response and laughed as a funny thought crossed her mind.

– What? – he asked.

– I was just imagining you, as a 60-year-old, going to a drugstore every month to buy 30 blue pills so we could continue to have sex every night.

He gave her a “seriously?” look, but laughed too.

He didn’t mention the probability that neither of them were going to live long enough to live the scene. He didn’t need to.

She laid back on his chest.

– Love ya, babe. – He kissed her forehead.

– Love you too. – she mumbled sleepily.

_I ain't never gonna shut you out_

(...)

Their next case was at one of those eerily old house in a city that she quickly forgot the name of.

A group of kids had seen a body in the abandoned house, but when the police came, the body was gone.

The place was just old at first sight. Nothing seemed out of place. It was when they met the couple of paranormal investigators, she really thought about getting out of there.

They were so...stupid. They even had a website.

She detested people like them. People who thought they were smarter and knew what they were doing.

Ed and... What was the other guy’s name?

_“Ed and Eddy suits ‘em better”._

They hadn’t even seen a ghost. Ever.

– Come on, guys. – She decided after spending five minutes with them. – The professionals actually need to work.

Later that night, they decided to go to a bar for a bite to eat. With burgers in hand and a salad for Sam they began talking about the current case.

– You think there’s something supernatural here? – She looked at Dean. – I mean...really?

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

– I don’t think so. – He rolled his eyes. – I bet it’s a small town thing.

Y/N smiled a little, going back to eat and looking at her food. She should stop eating so many burgers. She should take care of herself more.

– Will you marry me? – Dean looked at her when Sam went to the bathroom.

Her Y/Eb/C lifted to her hairline at the abrupt question.

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

– I mean, not now. – He rolled his eyes. – But someday, ya know. You’d take my last name, wear a ring, the whole enchilada?

– I’d be your wife? Forever? – She asked. Y/N lifted her hand to her chin as if she was really thinking about it. – Of course. – She finally answered.

Dean smiled, his heart expanding with the amount of love that had come with her words.

He was thinking about that ever since that morning: Their future. He wanted to see her one day as his wife. Not that being his girlfriend wasn’t good enough, but there was something about making her entirely his that would make him really happy.

– Okay. – He smiled.

– Okay. – She laughed.

_You're everything I need and more_

That morning, they heard about the girl who “hung herself” in the house.

They had missed something. They definitely did.

Later that night, they snuck around the house and went in once more, not after pranking the two stupid paranormal investigators.

Once inside, she had to keep herself from telling the boys to shut up when they started the whole “I dare you” thing. Minutes later when they did finally find the ghost, upon shooting it with Dean’s double barrel they found out that the friggin’ thing was **immune** to rock salt.

The next morning, she was the who found out that the symbol meant nothing, and showed Dean the album covers he had seemed in Craig’s store.

_Stupid case._

– Kid. – She crossed her arms. – What do you think about telling us the real story?

And the kid broke down. He had created the whole house thing with his cousin, but then the thing just spun out of control.

– What if this thing is a tulpa? – Y/N frowned. – I mean...once in Tibet a group of 20 monks saw a _golem_ after meditating on it.

Sam looked at her, understanding what she meant.

– If 20 monks can do that, what can 10 thousand people do?

– And how the hell did it happen here? – Dean looked at his girlfriend.

As an answer, Y/N got her phone out of her pocket, showing Dean the picture she had taken.

– This is a Tibetan symbol. – She explained. – 10 thousand people looked at this and thought about the house. Two plus two equals four.

He was surprised. Usually, Sam was the one with all the information.

– Babe, you’re a genius. How did you figure it out?

The brilliant huntress shrugged.

– I got bored while I was with the Harvelles after my surgery.

The only way to destroy the tulpa was by destroying the **idea** of it.

– What do we do now?

– Just follow my lead.

(...)

It’s just surprising how people can be so stupid. They managed to trick the guys to change the legend and give them a way to kill the _tulpa._

And then when that didn’t work; they had to improvise.

What do you do to a house with a _tulpa_ attached to it?

You burn it.

– Really, Y/N? – Sam looked at her when they got to a safe place. – Really?

– What did you want me to do? – She rolled her eyes, leaning against Jude. – I’m tired, I’m frustrated and that was the only solution that came to mind.

– She’s right. – Dean pointed.

Sam sighed.

– Fine. Let’s just...get the hell out of this town.

Her boyfriend leaned down and kissed her thoroughly.

– See ya at the next stop.

– Sure. – She gave him a little peck. – I love you.

_You know you're my saving grace_

– Love you too.

Sam just rolled his eyes.

– You two make me sick.

Y/N and Dean laughed.

– Fuck off.  


	20. Chapter 19 – Battlefield (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here starts the angst. Be prepared. 
> 
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 19 – Battlefield (Part One)**

 

They continued on with what they knew best. Hunting.

Everything was going okay up until they met up with John weeks later. When they were hunting a group vampires that had killed a hunter close to him.

It was like the old days all over again.

John was giving them orders without any explanation; Sam was still mad at him, Dean was still defending him, and she was just following in silence.

Everything was just the same.

And then came the Colt.

The gun wasn’t just **a** gun. It was special.

The weapon could kill a demon. It could kill anything.

(...)

That day, Sam and John shared the motel room while Y/N and Dean shared the other one.

– You think they can work this out? – She whispered in concern.

They were alone in their room, the other two on the room next door in dead silence.

– Dunno. – He sighed. – I hope they do.

After they killed the vampires, which was nothing like she thought vampires were, saving John and not doing what he asked them to do.

And when he said they would hunt Yellow Eyes together.

Damn.

Her mouth said “Yes, sir”, her face kept straight.

Internally, she wanted to jump and hug him in joy.

They were going to be a family again.

Between all the hunting, they discovered a few things about the demon, but now they were waiting to see what John was going to fill them in on.

It had come after Sammy that night, years ago, and he wasn’t the only one.

The demon hadn’t just killed Mary; it had killed other parents too. He was coming after the other children too.

When someone killed a friend of John and her father, she knew they were getting closer to the demon somehow.

_No time for rest_

They made two groups, Y/N and Dean, and Sam and John. They looked through hospitals records for children that were six months old, and the research wasn’t exactly useful. When the younger Winchester started getting visions, they knew exactly where to go.

On another note she was the one to explain Sam’s “powers” to John as they couldn’t hide it.

– When were you planning on telling me? – He looked at the three.

He wasn’t happy with the secret, especially when he realized the gravity of it.

– Well, we didn’t know what they were. – Dean shrugged.

– Well, if something like this happened to him, you should’ve called me. – John reprimanded Dean.

_No pillow for my head_

Y/N’s mouth fell open for a second.

_“Oh, no. You did **not** just say that, John Winchester.”_

– Call you? You gotta be fucking kidding me. – She laughed sarcastically. – Dean tried to call you from Lawrence. I called you when Dean was on his deathbed, begging for you to show up.

Sam and Dean were flabbergasted. Y/N was even worse than Dean about John. She would **always** keep quiet and do whatever he said. When they were kids, every once in a while, Dean would talk back to John or he’d be sarcastic, but Y/N? No. Never.

_Nowhere to run from this_

– If I called my dad, he would have answered a lot sooner than you did and he’s fucking dead. – She pointed out. – So, please, don’t come here with “you should have called”.

Dean held her softly, caressing her waist with his thumb.

– You’re right. – John looked up, sighing. – You’re right.

She looked at Dean. He was still surprised.

– I’m not happy with your tone, young lady, but I’m sorry. – John tried to regain his authority, but still understood what she was saying.

She was more than surprised now. Y/N had never imagined she would hear John apologizing. She was ready to point it out, but Sam’ phone rang at a high volume.

It was Meg calling.

_No way to forget_

The stupid bitch was still alive and not happy.

She killed Caleb, and promised to kill more people if he didn’t give her the gun.

All Sam could do was agree and look at John for guidance.

– We can’t just hand the gun over. – Sam frowned at him. – The demon...

– Who said we’re gonna hand it over? – John clarified.

She raised her eyebrow.

– So we’re tricking the bitch? – Y/N said.

– Watch your language, miss. – He warned her. She had such a dirty mouth sometimes. Well… All the time.  – But yes. Beside us and the vampires, no one’s ever seen it.

– And how long do you think it’ll take for her to figure it out? – Dean crossed his arms.

– Dunno. But It’ll buy us some time.

_We carry on through the storm_

She frowned.

– But we’ll stay and kill the demon while you’re gone. – Y/N said confidently.

– You want us to kill the demon alone? – Sam looked at him with his eyebrows scrunched.

She could guess Sam’s expression, as she looked at John.

A whole lot of emotions ran through John’s face; anger, sadness, eagerness...

– No, Sam. I simply want everything to be okay. I want you to go to school, I want Dean and Y/N to start a family without all this danger surrounding us. – He hissed. – I want Mary...I just want this to be over.

The three exchanged looks.

_Tired soldiers in this war_

– And if this is how we have to do it... – He started, and Dean sighed low.

– This is how we’re going to do.

(...)

Y/N made circles on Dean’s hand with her thumb as John left, not sure if she was trying to sooth him or herself.

Later that night, they stood outside the house in the Impala. She couldn’t help, but look at Dean at her side and Sam behind her for a second before sighing.

– Guys. – She whispered. – If something happens tonight...

– Nothing is going to happen. – Dean interrupted her. He gripped her hand tighter – The only thing that’s going to happen tonight is that demon dying.

– But **if.** – She said again. – I just want you to know we’re a family and... Well, I’m thankful for everything that has happened to us so far. For John saving me, for Sam being such a great friend and for you being... Well... You. – She finished softly.

Dean rolled his eyes again.

– We’re gonna be fine, okay? – He held her hand. – Dad’s gonna be fine, I’m gonna be fine, Sam is gonna be fine, and you are gonna be more than fine. We’re going to kill that goddamn demon for once and for all, we’ll avenge mom, and all the other mothers. We’re going protect this family and all the others.

_Remember what we're fighting for_

He leaned down and gave her a reassuring kiss on her lips, his attempt to calm both of them down.

– Alright? – He finally asked.

She nodded.

– Okay.

And they waited.


	21. Chapter 20 – Batterfield (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 20 – Batterfield (Part Two)**

 

_Meet me on the battlefield_

They waited and waited, and quietly entered the house when the time came.

Thing got wrong, really wrong, but they managed. Dean and Sam fought the father, but they could manage and she was the one who took the baby away before the fire started.

Outside the building, she handed the kid back to her mother.

But they couldn’t get the demon.

Back at the motel, she was the one walking circles around that room and calling John while Dean and Sam had a fight.

Something was wrong.

– Sam. – She yelled when he pinned Dean against the wall, but her boyfriend raised a hand.

– It’s okay, babe. – He calmed her.

They were full adrenaline.

– Sam... – He looked at his brother. – We four... That’s all we have. Dad, Y/N, me and you. You three are all I have.

_Even on the darkest night_

With that, Sam stopped.

– If something happens with one of you...

They stood in silence, and she started calling John again.

This time, he picked up.

– John? – She asked, feeling a bit more relaxed.

– Oh... You really fucked up this time, girl.

Her eyes got wide, her body freezing.

_Meg._

**Shit.**

– Where is he?

– You’re never gonna see him again.

She turned off the phone, panting hard.

– What? – Sam looked at her.

– They got him. – She whispered. – That **bitch**.

– Meg?

She nodded.

Dean rubbed his eyes for a second and grabbed the colt.

– We’re leaving. Now.

Y/N struggled to stay behind the Impala while they drove. They were going to the city where John was, but Dean called her to announce the change of plans.

They were stopping for a visit.

_I will be your sword and shield_

(...)

If it wasn’t for the situation – and her current age – she would jump in uncle Bobby’s back.

Well, just Bobby now.

He was helping them.

Things weren’t good now.

Bobby told them he had heard about 27 demon possessions so far that year, and it wasn’t even middle August.

– Something big is happening, and you are right in the middle of it. – He announced.

When the dog made a noise, she got the holy water out of her pocket.

Less than a minute later, that bitch Meg came in.

When Y/N tried to wet her, she was thrown across the room and fell unconscious for a couple of minutes before Dean help her up.

– You okay, babe?

She nodded as they walked back to where she knew Meg would be trapped.

– You really thought I wouldn’t find you? – The bitch looked at Sam.

– Actually. – Y/N crossed her arms. – We were kinda hoping you would.

They looked up. She was right inside the circle.

Later that afternoon, she was the one standing up with crossed arms in front of her.

_Your camouflage_

– Where’s John?

– Ask me nicely. – She teased.

– Where’s John, bitch?

Meg made a face, her tone full of sarcasm.

– You kiss your mother with that mouth? – She raised her eyebrows. – Oh, wait, she left you.

_Oh, No, she didn’t say that._

She stepped inside the circle, her face close enough to the demon girl to see the anger deep in her insides.

– You think I’m fucking kidding with you, whore? – She grabbed her hair, pulling her head painfully back. – Where is John?

– He died screaming. I killed him myself.

She couldn’t help it, but slap her with all her force.

Dean was surprised.

Sam was surprised.

They didn’t know she was **that** type.

– And I thought Dean was the one who liked giving spankings in your relationship.

Dean pulled her by her waist in a silent request, and they walked back a few steps.

– She’s lying. – Y/N groaned. 

_And you will be mine_

– I know.

Bobby got close to the couple, Sam behind him.

– Careful with her. She might be a demon, but inside all this crap she’s a girl. She’s possessed.

_Shit._

– Shit, I really wanted to kill her. – She muttered.

– These are good news. – Dean decided. – Sam, grab the book. We know what to do.

She didn’t blink while they started with her exorcism.

It took time, but she gave them an address.

– Finish it. – Dean looked at Sam.

The younger Winchester hesitated. What if he had information? What if she could say something that would help them more?

– If you don’t, I do. – Y/N looked at him.

That was intense.

Really intense.

The girl survived for a while, but died minutes later.

She had fell from a building the other day, how could she survive?

When they left, Dean was unquiet, and Sam Drew the devil’s trap in both of the cars, under Y/N and Dean’s protests.

As her boyfriend and Sam fought, she was the one he was holding inside his arms like he wanted to protect her from anything and everything, _especially_ from Sammy.

(...)

They managed to rescue John without much problems in the seven minutes between the fire alarm and the fireman coming.

Any people in that town could be a demon, so they had to be careful.

Sam had been caught by a demon, but Dean shoot him with the colt. John would bem ad at him when he found out.

– How is he? – She asked at the abandoned when Dean approached.

– He’ll be fine. Needs to rest.

He sat by her side and she held his hand, kissing his palm.

– What’s wrong? – She whispered.

– I didn’t care killing Meg. Or that dude. – He whispered. – Does it make me a bad person?

She shook his head.

_We're standing face to face_

– No, babe. Of course not.

– You made this for our family. – John walked in, stopping in front of them. – It’s okay.

Y/N turned her face and kissed his cheek.

– It’s okay. – She whispered. – I’m scared too.

She stood up when the lights began to flash and John walked to the window.

– It found us. It’s here.

– The demon. – Sam breath deep.

 _“Is this now?”_ She asked to herself. _“Is this how it ends?”_

– Sam, salt the doors and windows. – John said.

– I already did.

John rolled his eyes.

– Then go check it.

_With our own human race_

She frowned.

Why would John talk like this to Sam?

– Dean, you have the gun?

– Yes, sir.

– Give it to me.

Dean pulled the gun in a hurry, suddenly remembering the previous night.

– Look, Sam tried to shoot the demon and he just vanished.

– This is me. I won’t miss. – John snapped him. – Now, the gun. Hurry.

Her boyfriend frowned and, slowly, pushed her behind him.

– What’s wrong? – She whispered.

– Do you trust me?

_And our sons and daughters pay_

She nodded quickly. Of course she did.

– With my life.

– Stay behind me.

He looked down at the colt and stepped back.

– He’d be furious. – He whispered.

– What? – John frowned.

– That I wasted a bullet.

She suddenly realized.

That wasn’t John.

– He wouldn’t be proud of you for being that reckless. – She whispered.

_When I was younger,  
I was named the generation unafraid_

Of course.

How could she be that dumb?

He pointed John the gun, and her heart just raced.

– You’re not my dad.

John argued and Sam came back. He knew it too.

He stood behind her too.

That was the worst decision he would make.

But then he lowered his hand, and the three were thrown against the wall.

The yellow eyed demon.

She struggled to get free, too far from Dean to even be able to look at him.

If he hadn’t hesitated...

_For the heirs to come be brave_

But wouldn’t she?

What if it was really John?

Was it worth the try?

– That girl you exorcised? My daughter. – The demon walked towards Dean. – The guy you did shoot? My son. This is just justice.

_Shit._

– You gotta be fucking kidding me. – She hissed under her breath.

With every demon they could kill, they killed the dude’s kids?

– I’m not like you, werewolf attack. – He looked at her. – I’m actually able to have a family, and you messed up with them.

He was in John’s mind. He knew everything John knew.

He kept talking, but she wasn’t listening.

 _“Just finish it”._ She wanted to say. “ _Just fucking finish it”._

But Dean was the one who said it out loud, which made the demon look at him.

_Echoes of the shots ring out_

– And that’s how you mask all this pain, right Romeo? – He smiled at him. – While your Juliet just pretends she’s not listening, while she pretends she’s not there, you joke.

– Yeah? – Dean raised him an eyebrow.

She closed her eyes.

_“Please, Dean, don’t. don’t tease him.”_

– You know... You fight for them, but the truth is, you’re the needy one. The clingy one. They don’t need you the way you need them. – He teased. – Sam is John’s favourite, you know? Of course you do. You’re just... Well, you’re useful.

– That’s a lie. – She groaned in a low moan.

– Don’t make me talk about you, _mutt bitch_. – He walked closer to her, looking her in the eyes. – You’re just the family dog, the poor orphan girl that John regrets taking with his family every single day.

He leaned down and whispered on her ear. 

– An abomination.

Dean made a face.

– Leave her alone. – He groaned, but she couldn’t let that thing hurt Dean.

– You gotta be proud of your daughter, right? – She teased. – Oh, wait... I got rid of her, I totally forgot. I’m gonna tell you, she was a fucking strong whore.

_We may be the first to fall_

He chuckled and looked down for a second before staring at her again.

That was when the pain started.

She could feel the blood dripping. She could feel every single nerve of her body.

– No. – Dean yelled. – Let her go! No!

But the demon didn’t listen. He liked it.

Dean took him someone. He would take someone he loved from him. It was just fair.

– No. – Sam yelled. – Dad. No. Dad, don’t let him kill her. – He begged. – Stop it. **Stop**.

_Everything could stay the same_

But he didn’t even look away.

Her clothes were damp when her head felt heavy.

She didn’t know what happened, but felt her body on the floor.

When Sam ran into John, Dean kneeled beside her.

She could taste the blood on her mouth. Things weren’t good.

– Dean. – She moaned. – Dean, please.

– It’s okay, babe. – He touched her face.

_Or we could change it all_

He tried not to scare her. She had lost lots of blood, more than he could measure.

– Babe. – He held her. – Stay with me, do you hear me? Stay with me. I told you we weren’t losing anyone in this hunt, and we’re not.

She smiled weakly.

– I love you Dean. – She whispered.

_Meet me on the battlefield_

And everything got dark.

 

 


	22. Chapter 21 – Who’s gonna protect you, if I don’t?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was writing, this chapter was supposed to be the epilogue, but it got so freaking huge that I decided to cut it in a half. The Epilogue of "Hold me Down" also will be the Prologue of the second season, "Pull me Closer" (which is finished is been more than a month, by the way, so you don't need to worry).  
> Hope you all like it, and if you could stick around to the end notes I would be really happy.
> 
> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq

**Chapter 21 – Who’s gonna protect you, if I don’t?**

 

_You disappear with all your good intentions_

When Y/N opened her eyes, things were strange.

She was dressed in white, and inside a white room.

She knew that smell.

She was in a hospital.

– Fuck… I hate hospitals. – She groaned.

It was a bit painful to stand up, but she did it either way. Everything looked sterile and it was dead silent. It was starting to get on her nerves even after only a couple of minutes.

– Dean? – She called. – Sam? – Her voice echoed down the hallway.

She left the room, walking around the hospital. It was like there was no one here. She didn’t see a nurse, not even a _fucking living soul._

– Is anybody there? – She called, seeing the stairs.

 _“There must be someone down there.”_ She imagined.

And there was. A pretty nurse with curly hair was right there reading something on a paper.

– Hey... Um... Excuse me, miss. – She walked down the stairs. – Can you tell me where I can find my family?

But the young lady said nothing.

She didn’t even seem to see her.

– Miss? – She waved her hand. – Miss?

_“What the hell is going on?”_

Her eyes got wide.

 _“What the fuck is going on?”_ she asked herself.

_And all I am is all I could not mention_

She tried talking to someone else two more times, but no one seemed to see her much less hear her.

_“Oh, no...”_

– Fuck. – She moaned, running upstairs again and trying to find her room.

There she was. Laying down, full of tubes and worse than she could have imagined. She had bruises that indicated she had been in some sort of car accident, but she hadn’t.

Or had she?

– Fuck. – She whispered again, coming closer.

There was a tube helping her breathe and a lot of machines showed her vitals signs.

– Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck... Fuck! – Y/N yelled.

_Like who will bring me flowers when it's over_

She couldn’t be dying.

She remembers falling, but she couldn’t have fallen that hard. She was supposed to be _healing_ at that exact moment.

Where was Dean? Where was Sammy? Where was John?

Why was she alone here?

Like an answer, she heard the footsteps behind her and turned around.

Dean had a few bruises on his face and head, but he was looked good considering they had faced a demon.

– Dean, you’re here. – She smiled, feeling a bit less lonely.

But he didn’t even look at her.

– Damn, babe. – He whispered to her body. – No... No...

His hand touched her face, and she felt the ghost of his warmth.

_And who will give me comfort when it's cold_

– Babe, no... – He whispered.

Her heart crippled in pain the second she saw he had tears streaming down his face.

Before she could even move, the doctor came in.

– Your father’s awake. Your brother is waiting for you in there.

He didn’t answer, but dried his face quickly.

– What about my fiancé?

The man let out a quiet breath, knowing he would ask that question.

– You see, sir. She lost a lot of blood and had severe internal damage, but this isn’t what worries us.

_She took a plane to somewhere out in space_

No, wait, she had only been thrown by a demon.

– The car accident caused her head trauma and we suspect she has internal bleeding, but we can only know what happens when she wakes up.

She got nearer to her injured body.

_Not again, please._

– If she wakes up.

Dean’s eyes got wide.

– What do you mean, **if** she wakes up? She can’t die. – Dean said incredulously.

The doctor tried to stay calm, trying to understand his side of the situation.

– Sometimes people with these kind of injuries don’t wake up.

Dean pressed his lips together, and rubbed his hands down his face before coming close to her again.

– Babe...

_To start a life and maybe change the world_

His hand went to his pocket for a second and she frowned.

– I had just found the perfect ring, I had just... dammit. – He growled.

_Ring?_

The doctor waited for him to calm down.

– I want to see my father. – He finally decided.

When he walked away, she followed him.

– Dean. – She called. – Come on, Dean, can’t you hear me? I’m right here.

But he didn’t, even though she kept yelling at him and waving at him with her hand.

Inside John’s room, Sam was sitting on the chair next to his father. John’s arm remained immobilized.

Dean didn’t say anything while his brother and father talked, and she paced around as Sam and John talked about the health insurance.

_See I never meant for you to have to crawl_

– We gotta find something to help her. – Her boyfriend decided. – I don’t know what, but we need to find something.

John looked at him and sighed.

– Of course we will, son. She got the brunt of the impact. But she’s been here before, and healed well.

Her hand ran down her torso, where the werewolf claw scars would always remind her of that day.

– We’ll do something.

Sam had his face in his hands, and John sighed.

– Where’s the colt?

– In the truck. – Sam muttered.

That was enough for Dean.

_No I never meant to let you go at all_

John was too calm and Sam too quiet.

– What the hell? – He turned around. – My fiancé is dying and all you’re worrying about is the goddamn Colt?

Here he was, in the same place his brother and father had already been before.

The love of his life was dying.

– We’re hunting a demon that may be hunting us. – John reminded him. – Yes, we’re worried about the Colt. This could be our only salvation.

Once again, Dean rubbed his hand over his face.

– What do you mean “fiancé”? – Sam asked.

Y/N blushed.

They had joked with each other ever since their half-assed marriage proposal, and now they were engaged, and didn’t even tell Sam and John.

She wasn’t even thinking about it, it had been a “someday we’ll get married” not a “let’s get married tomorrow,” but Dean clearly had another thing in mind, and it didn’t bother her at all.

_See my head aches from all this thinkin'_

– We... – Dean hesitated. – We’re kinda engaged okay? Nothing official, but I... I asked her and she said yes.

– What? – The two looked at him.

She rolled her eyes.

– I didn’t say ‘yes’. I said ‘of course’. – She corrected him, forgetting he couldn’t hear her.

Dean sighed, his hand going down his pocket again, pulling the ring out and putting it on the table between Sam and John. It was a silver ring, no diamond, nor any fancy thing.

It was just like her, beautiful and simple.

– When did you ask her? – Sam frowned, looking at it. – When did you buy a ring?

Dean sighed.

– When we were at that restaurant in the city with the haunted house. – He looked away. – You went out to the bathroom. I looked at her and asked “Will you marry me?”, and she said “Of course”. I got the ring before the hunt and... Well, was planning to give it to her after we killed the thing.

– You had the ring with you the whole time? – John seemed surprised.

Y/N was too.

He really loved her.

– Go stay with her, son. – John decided, looking at Sam. – We can.... We can deal with this. Just... Just go be with her.

Dean obeyed with no other words interchanged.

Y/N followed him back to her room as he sat beside the bed, holding her hand.

She could feel his touch, could feel his warm skin close to her body even being a few steps away from him.

– You know. – He started. – I was... I was just thinking about the time when I realized I loved you.

He shifted in his seat and smiled sadly.

– I got chicken pox, remember? – He laughed. – Dad was working, Sammy had been vaccinated and you had gotten it when you were four or five. I was a teenager, and I felt like shit. I didn’t want to eat, much less get up from the bed, just wanted to scratch myself to death... Or relief. Whatever came first.

_Feels like a ship God, God knows I'm sinkin'_

She laughed. Of course she remembered.

– Well, we stayed in that town for more than a week and every day you’d make me food, real food. You sat down and watched me eat under my stupid whining. – He continued. – You wouldn’t leave before I was finished, even if I took hours and you’d hand me a bucket in case I felt too much nausea and wanted to puke.

She looked at him closer.

– I’m so used to being the one taking care of this family... That I didn’t know how it felt to be on the other side, to have someone really taking care of me. I always had this crazy crush on you that I tried to push away, but those days...

He sighed, drying a tear.

– I just knew I loved you. I knew it was going to be fucking hard to be away from you. – He whispered. – And it still is.

He fell asleep holding her hand. It was an hour later when John visited her.

And nothing changed.

A couple of days later and nothing had changed. Dean didn’t even leave her side, didn’t even fight John for doing nothing.

She had been going through a whole lot of emotions when she realized John was literally doing **nothing**.

Wouldn’t he save her? Wouldn’t he even try?

When the three Winchesters started fighting about her situation; Dean and Sam complained about their father doing nothing, she lost her temper and broke a glass with a swing of her hand.

_Wonder what you do and where it is you stay_

The three of them shut up at once.

– Geez, I didn’t know I could do that.

She walked around.

– Maybe I can find a pen. – She realized. – I can try and communicate.

She ran around the dead silent room, looking for a pen or a pencil, or something she could write with.

– Dad. – Dean whispered. – Could it be her?

– Hell yeah it is! – She yelled. Laughing at the realization that he couldn’t hear her.

Sam frowned.

– You think she’s here? – Sam frowned.

The three looked at each other.

– Stay right here. – Sam decided. – I’ll be right back.

(...)

Y/N raised her eyebrows when Sam placed the board on the floor.

– An Ouija board? – She whispered. – Really?

– Are you sure or just guessing? – Dean asked Sam.

– Guessing.

Her boyfriend sighed for a second.

_These questions like a whirl wind, they carry me away_

– That’s enough for me.

They sat down on the chairs in front of the table in her room, leaving an empty seat.

– It that for me? – She chuckled. – You’re both too sweet.

Dean and Sam were tense when they placed their index finger on the planchette and she sighed.

– Okay... – She sighed. – let’s do it.

– Y/N. – Dean called. – Babe, are you here?

She sat down as they waited.

She didn’t think this would work, but when she put her fingers next to theirs and tried moved it, it worked.

It really did.

– Christ. – She whispered astounded. – Yes!

– Babe, are you.... Are you okay?

_Who will bring me flowers when it's over?_

She moved the planchette to “yes” again.

He sighed in relief.

– Are you getting better? – Sam asked hopefully.

Y/N looked at herself on the bed.

Was she?

She could lie and say yes, but she was tired. The endless days of waiting that depended on John, who was taking no action so far, and seeing Dean break down in front of her. He hadn’t left her side for pretty much a whole 24 hours.

Slowly, and trembling, she moved the pointer towards “No”.

Dean’s heart started beating faster.

– You think you can hold on for a bit longer, at least until we find a solution? – He questioned.

Somehow, she just... She was thinking on letting go. She was tired.

Slowly, she moved her hand.

_And who will give me comfort when it's cold_

_I. M. T. I. R. E. D._

– I’m tired. – Sam whispered.

Dean shook his head.

– Please, babe. Hold on. – He murmured. – Please, just... Just hold on. I promise you, I’ll find a way. I promise you. Promise me you’ll hold on, please, **promise** me.

She moved her hand again, intending to “no”, but stopped.

– Who will take care of you when I’m gone? – She whispered. – Who can protect you if I don’t?

She couldn’t leave Dean.

She made her way back, finally showing him a “yes”.

Dean closed his eyes.

– We’re not giving up on you. – Sam promised. – Can... Can we go?

She chuckled. _The board rules._

– I’ll find dad. – Dean said. – And we’ll...

No.

“Stay” She spelled. “Dean”

– Okay. – He whispered. – Okay, I’ll stay. Can I... Can I sit by your side?

_Who will I belong to when the day just won't give in_

She signed the “yes”, and he stood up, going back to his seat.

– Can I go find dad, Y/N? – Sam whispered again.

_Oh yeah... The rules._

She quickly signed “good bye” to him, standing up and going back to Dean. She wouldn’t leave him.

_And who will tell me how it ends and how it all begins_

– I love you. – She whispered in his ear. – I love you.

If only he could hear her...

_I'm only human_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're really reading this, I wanna thank you.  
>  I'm on a very hard moment now. I struggle with mental illness is been some years and I just recently opened up about it and decided to seek for help. I tried some medicine, although it didn't really work for me and I'm currently on therapy, but it still hard sometimes, and I'm in one of those weeks where all I can think is about how useless I am and how the world would be a better place without me.  
>  If I learned something with the Supernatural Fandom, is that this isn't just a fandom, this a **family,** and we _#AlwaysKeepFighting_. That's the reason I'm talking to you guys about it, probably only two or three people in my life knows about it.  Anyway, I just wanna ask you to send me some love, I'm in really need of it right now. And that's it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I love you all. 


	23. Epilogue – You matter to me

**Epilogue – You matter to me.**

 

They stood there for hours, Dean humming songs he knew she liked while nothing happening. Y/N wanted to go to John or know what Sam was doing, but she couldn’t leave Dean.

_I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes  
They've seen things that you never quite say, but I hear_

She’d promised him, but she was starting to think again.

What if she turned into a vengeful spirit?

What if she could never come back to her own body, never set Dean free from that pain of watching her half dead on a bed?

It was past midnight and Dean was asleep beside her when she heard **different** sets of footsteps behind her. She didn’t bother turning around to see who it was.

– If you’re here to take me, you’re wasting your time. – She whispered. – I made a promise.

– Actually, I’m not. – The feminine voice called her attention, causing her to turn around.

It was a girl.

_A girl with **yellow** eyes. _

– Guess what, kid. – She walked close to Y/N. – It’s your lucky day.

She didn’t have time to fight the hand that pushed her head back, and suddenly, everything was gone.

Everything.

(...)

Dean jumped when he heard Y/N’s sudden movement.

Her body was screaming in protest, there was something lodge in her throat and she couldn’t speak as the machine beside her beeped loudly.

– Babe?

She gagged on the tube down her throat, not able to say anything.

– Help. – Dean yelled. – Someone, help!

Five minutes later, she was freed from the tube.

The doctors were saying she was perfectly fine, not even two hours later.

 **Perfectly fine**.

Dean was so happy he couldn’t help but kiss her passionately in front of the doctor and Sam. He held her so tightly in his embrace.

– I was so scared. – He said in her neck.

– It’s okay. – She whispered. – I’m fine now.

_Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you_

Except she wasn’t.

There was something wrong. She knew it.

– How are you doing, smelly? – She heard the voice at the door, seeing John. – You’re a sight for sore eyes, you know that?

She smiled.

– I was afraid I’d never see that beautiful smile again.

She rolled her eyes and John petted Dean’s back for a moment.

– I think you have something for someone now. – He noticed.

Dean blushed and Y/N frowned.

Dean was **blushing?**

Dean Winchester? Blushing?

– What is it? – She asked. – Did you make a bet? Did you bet on how long I’d be asleep for?

_And I'll stay there as long as you let me_

– Actually... – Dean put his hand in his pocket. – I wanted... I... dammit, no one told me it was going to be so hard.

Sam laughed.

– Just do it, you idiot. – Sam spoke up.

– Will you marry me? – Dean finally blurted out.

She laughed.

– You already know the answer, fool. – She rolled her eyes.

– I mean right now! – He corrected her. – Will you leave this room and marry me right now?

_It's addictive the minute you let yourself think_

Her eyes widened in surprise. What?

– Wait. Now?

He nodded.

Her jaw almost hit the floor.

– Yes. – She decided.

Why not?

It was Dean, and it was her.

– Where? – She asked softly.

He smiled openly.

– The hospital’s chapel. We already have a priest and the flowers and a dress.

She was surprised.

– And if I had said no? – She asked. – What would you do?

He rolled his eyes.

– You would never say no. – He reminded her, giving her a peck. – Come on, the doctors said you can go.

She smiled as John handed her [the dress](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/e8/20/39/e820390ec63c82dec94c01769a2b7bf4.jpg).

_The things that I say just might matter to someone_

– I picked it myself. – He told her. – Hope you like it. And I hope it fits too.

Half an hour later, she was dressed in the white dress, carrying a simple white bouquet of chrysanthemums, her Y/H/C locks in a simple hairstyle. A small group of members of the hospital staff came to see the occasion, a wedding there was quite rare.

Actually, that was the first wedding in that chapel.

At the altar, Dean was waiting for her in a clean suit he used to dress up as an FBI agent.

– Hey dear. – John offered her an arm. – Ready?

Y/N smiled and blushed.

– Come on. Let’s go.

They walked slowly in Dean’s direction as he seemed pretty nervous in front of the priest. When they reached him, John gave him a heavy look.

– You take care of her, boy. She’s my little girl. – John spoke menancingly yet softly.

_All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away_

– Yes, sir. – He smiled.

– And you, Y/N, take care of him. – He warned her.

– Of course, sir. – She promised.

Their eyes connected and they didn’t even hear the priest’s words before saying I do.

The thin crowd applauded when they kissed, and the couple didn’t even process on how fast things were moving. Hours earlier, she was on her deathbed, and now they just got married. Dean didn’t even notice his wife smiling to the man behind the hospital crew, or they glow her eyes had for a moment.  

Was it too fast?

They didn’t give a fuck.

– I love you Y/N Winchester. – Dean whispered, looking at the pure silver rings that now decorated their left hands.

_And for the first time I think I'd consider the stay_

– I love you too, Dean Winchester. – She smiled.

– Lets grab your stuff and find a place where we can spend our first night as husband and wife. What do you think? – He kinked his left eyebrow.

She smiled as a blush began spreading over her cheeks.

_Husband and wife._

They didn’t notice the sadness that crossed John’s face for a second before he walked towards them.

– Okay, let me hug you two. – He asked, opening his good arm and embracing the two in one hug. – You better take care of each other, marriage is difficult.

He sighed.

– And watch over Sammy too.

Dean and Y/N were too head over heels to realize something was wrong.

They were thinking about where to go for their honeymoon and about how they would get to and from there. Would they still hunt with John and Sam? They could never leave them behind, but maybe a couple of months of just being a couple was a good idea.

_Because you matter to me  
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody_

John left before they noticed, and Dean kissed Y/N again.

His wife. Forever.

– We’re married. – He finally said. – Fuck.

– Dean, watch your language. – She laughed. – We’re in a church. – She pointed out.

He just laughed, holding her by her waist and lifting her body for a hug and a spin.

They walked into her room a while later, and a backpack with her stuff was already waiting for them. The doctor didn’t hesitate on giving her the discharge papers, either way, she would have left even if they hadn’t.

_I promise you do, you see?_

Dean held his wife in his arms and threw the backpack over his shoulder.

– Come on, babe.

Her car was outside the hospital, undamaged, and he tried not to think about the Impala and the accident.

That would need a **lot** of work.

– What about Sam and John? – She looked at him as he accelerated Jude for the first time in his _whole_ life.

– We can call them later.

She rolled her eyes and leaned over him.

– We’re crazy. – She pointed out.

– Yes, we are, babe. But what can I say? I am crazy in love with you. – He smiled his 1000 watt smile, the one that made the wrinkles around his eyes more pronounce.

She laughed.

Today was actually the best day of her life.

_You matter to me_

At least she thought it was until Dean received the call.

The call changed **everything**.

– What’s wrong? – She asked when he stopped the car and started driving back. – What happened?

– Dad’s dead. The Colt is gone.

 

**To Be Continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the epilogue.  
> But don't worry: Pull me Closer is already on. Hope you guys like it, and thank you very much for all the support.  
> In Pull me Closer, we'll know more about Reader's past and family, and I gotta tell you: There's a BOMB I've been super excited to drop.   
> Love you all very very much.

**Author's Note:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0-v-GloQ0TCJUaEEm53B5OQG1myMyUNq


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